there is a lot in my thought and i just don't know how to write it in words.
and i also type and delete again and again as i just think it doesn't really reflect what i was thinking about.
seriously melissa? are you having psycho problem now?
well, it will be very simple if i just be a psycho.
but eventually i am not and i am stuck in this life.
it's easy to say this and that but it is very hard when you wanna do it.
honestly, half of me want to pass and half of me want it to fail.
that's why i'm saying i am crazy.
if i pass, and i will have to continue my current life.
stuck in nowhere and don't know what i want.
i just can't find myself and i am lost.
in the same time i still can enjoy my miserable life with my friends...
i want to go to Chin graduation day.
it was on my first day of orientation, if i pass.
if i fail, i already plan ahead.
to prepare if that really happened, which i feel there is a chance of getting fail.
no matter how hard i study it will still be the same.
you might say i am lazy and study not hard enough... well... be with it.
and if that really happened, i might as well stop studying and start working...
i really don't understand myself...
why am i need to put myself into this miserable life?
why in the very first place i don't just choose a simple course which only need 3 or 4 years of study.
and by now i will be graduating and working like almost half of my friends.
it's like a kind of hormonal imbalance in me seeing most of my friend going to grad or already graduate and start working and i, me, need to stuck in this life.
but i know what will it be if i fail, what my parent will think and how will they react to it if i propose that i don't wanna study anymore...
well, most of the people say study life is the best.
college life is the best.
not in my case!
yes, study life is great, but it was when i was in secondary school.
i agree that it was the happiest time during my life... with my gang of friends.
i can't say the friends in college is not good but it just very different from my old gang.
sometimes, i just wish i would born i a family with the parent is not highly educated...
then they will be so satisfied if their children will be able to just pass their exam.
i know money is very important, and without money you really can't do a lot of things...
but because of money then you have to make your life sad... its like so saddening.
done... i think finally i just wrote everything what i wanted to write...
no idea what will the future be, that's way i'm always stuck in the past.
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