回忆里。in the memory

10月17日，星期五，考试完后我就回到马六甲。
傍晚到外公的丧礼祭拜。
不知道当天我落了多少的眼泪。
当每个人的心情已经平静了，我才要开始起伏不定。
回忆起十三年前外婆去世的那一天，我也是经历一样的感觉。
虽然当时的我只有7岁，那感觉好像昨天才发生。
October 17th, Friday, I went back to Malacca right after my exam.
Evening, I went to my grandpa funeral.
I don’t know how many tears I dropped that day.
Most of them already in normal state, and I just started to be emotional.
I experience the same feeling 13 years before, when my grandmother pass away.
Although I was 7 years old, but it feels like just happened yesterday.


我看了外公的遗容，他的脸好像在微笑着。
是不是解放了，轻松了，所以微笑了？
I saw my grandpa body, his face was like smiling.
It’s that he let go everything, feeling relief, and then he smile?


我反复看了很多次，害怕我会回忘了他的容貌。
I see it again and again, I’m scared that I will forget how he look like.


星期六早上发生了一些不愉快的事。
明明前一晚妈妈已经说好明早我们一起去外公家。
可是 早上妈妈不但没有叫醒我，还独自和弟弟去了外公家。
感觉我是被遗忘、被遗弃的。
我知道是我想太多了，可是我不想错过当天的葬礼。
Saturday morning something unpleasant happened.
The night before my mom says we will go to grandpa house together.
But that morning, my mom didn’t wake me up, and she went there with my brother.
Feel that I was being forgotten, being left behind.
I know I think too much, but I just don’t want to miss a thing in the funeral.


妈妈的用意是要我做爸爸的车去，可是爸爸还没睡醒。
我不明白的是为什么就不能让我跟她一起去。
当时 气得哭了，也伤心地哭了。
My mom wants me to follow my dad, but he was sleeping.
I don’t understand why she just can’t let me go with her.
I cried of anger, and cried of sad.


最后我宁愿自己驾车上去。



十点多礼仪开始，师傅念经，我们祭拜。
过后打开棺木，把干冰拿掉。
打开棺木时，每个人都好像崩溃了，每个人都哭得很凄惨。
At last, I rather drove there myself.
The prayer started around 10am, the Master started the prayer.
Then they open the coffin, and took out the dry ice.
When the coffin was opened, everyone was crying so badly.


师傅开始一边把金纸放入棺木里，一边吩咐外公放心得走。
我们一边哭泣，一边走到棺木旁看外公最后一眼。
The Master put in the paper money, and tells my grandpa to leave peacefully.
All of us was crying so badly, and walk beside the coffin to see grandpa one last time.


棺木被抬到屋外时，我们每个人都不可看。
棺木摆好后，又继续一连串的礼仪仪式。
When the coffin was taken outside of the house, we are not allowed to watch it.
After the coffin was put in front the house, prayers begin.


当时正下着雨，天空灰灰的。
就像我们的眼泪，我们的心情。
It was raining, and the sky is grey.
Just like our tears, just like our feeling.


中午十二点多，棺木被抬上车。
每个人有在这个时候痛哭。
家里最年长的那个就一直吩咐我们够了，让外公放心得走吧！
In the noon, the coffin was out into the van.
Each of us was crying and crying.
And the eldest in the family tell us to control our sadness, let grandpa leave peacefully.


大雨变成毛毛雨，心情慢慢平复。
Rains begin to become drizzling, and our emotion is under control.


到了山上，师傅不准我们回头看棺木下土。
要我们祭拜后，手握一把泥土丢在棺木上，头也不回的走下山。
原本平静了的心情，看到外公的棺木在地下，眼泪不自觉地掉下来。
On the mountain, the Master doesn’t allow us to see the coffin was put into the earth.
After prayers, each of us hold a handful of sand, throw upon the coffin, and walk down the mountain without turn back.
The emotion which was under control back to uncontrollable when I saw my grandpa coffin was in there, my tears just falls.


心想：躺在里面那个人是我的外公，再也不会见到他了…
In my heart: the one that lying inside was my grandpa, and I will never see him again…


回到家还要祭拜，然后把那些要给外公的东西都烧给他。
祭拜后，丧礼总算结束了。
休息的休息，大扫的大扫。
We still need to pray after we were home, then burn everything that we need to burn to grandpa.
After all the prayers, that was the end of the funeral.
Some people having some rest and some people were cleaning the house.


晚上有开桌，我并不知道丧礼后要开桌的意思。
开了十五桌，全部亲戚都到齐了。
We were having grand dinner in the house; I don’t really understand the meaning of having grand dinner after the funeral.
They opened 15 tables for the entire guess, mostly our relatives.


晚餐后，妈妈全部的兄弟姐妹都聚在屋外。
我和几个 年长一点的表哥表姐也坐在那里。
大人们都在聊天，不知不觉聊起外公以前做过的事。
很多都是有趣的事，大家都一边说一边笑。
他们也说外公以前最疼得孩子是谁。
他们也说，虽然外公很严格，可是不会重男轻女。
他不曾打过他的女儿，反而是儿子常常被罚。
还有外公常常带他的孙子孙女倒咖啡店去喝咖啡。
After dinner, brothers and sisters of my mom were sitting in front of the house.
I and some of the elder cousin were sitting there too.
They were chit-chatting, and we talk about what grandpa did when he was young.
Most of it was interesting, each of us talk and laugh.
They said which my grandpa favorite child was.
They also said that even though my grandpa was very strict, but he treats his children equally, no matter girls or boys.
And my grandpa always brings his grandchild to coffee shop for coffee.


我也有着一段的记忆。
记得小时候要是有机会回到外公家，外公一定会带我到附近的咖啡店去喝咖啡。
也许我现在喜欢喝咖啡是这样由来的。
外公会带我骑着他的摩多，然后抱我坐在长椅上。
他每次都会把咖啡放在咖啡碟，慢慢吹着，冷了才会让我喝。
原来我和外公有那么一段很美好的回忆。
I also have this part of memory.
When I was very young, whenever I have the chance to go back grandpa house, he will always brings me to coffee shop for coffee.
Maybe this is why I like coffee now.
He will bring me using his motorbike, and then he will carry me to the long chair in the coffee shop.
Every time he will pour some of the coffee onto the coffee plate, and then blow it, until the coffee was cool down only he will let me drink.
Eventually, I have this beautiful memory with my grandpa.


大家在厅外有说有笑的谈天，好像什么事都没发生过。
好像外公还在。
可以看到大家在有说有笑的当时，眼眶有泪。
Everyone was talking in front of the house, seem like nothing ever happened.
Seem like grandpa still there.
But when everyone was laughing, there were tears in the eyes too.


死亡，每个人都要面对的。
只是一个人的离去，对这个世界并不会有很大的影响。
就像我们可以在厅外有说有笑。
好像所有的事都不曾发生。
好像外公还有在。
外公是不在了，可是他会永远的在我心里。
Death, every single people have to face it.
When someone passes away, it does not affect this world at all.
Just like all of us was sitting in front of the house, talk about the past.
Seems like nothing ever happened.
Seems like grandpa was still there.
Grandpa was not here anymore, but he will always be in my heart.



外公的遗容是微笑的，他一定能安息，他一定会在另一个世界好好过的。
His face smiles, he will leave peacefully, he will live very good in the other world.