说好听点是要我自己选，说难听点还不是你们帮我选！

说好听点是要我自己选，说难听点还不是你们帮我选！

we are never born and will never die

i saw in one of the website where the author wrote this:

We come to the world to enrich it. In fact we are never born and will never die. We have existed always and will exist always, only in different forms. We are part of each other. You, me, the mountains, the oceans, the trees, the fish, the birds and the kitty that is curling on my lap, are one in essence. But we are not aware of it, because this illusion of individuality has separated us. If you become aware of this oneness, you will come to see that kindness to others is kindness to yourself. And likewise cruelty to others is cruelty to yourself. We are like cells in the same body. Our wellbeing depends on the wellbeing of all other cells.

so meaningful and how many people actually think like this?

no idea what will the future be, that's way i'm always stuck in the past.

and so, i have been sign in and out of my blogger for like don't know how many times.

there is a lot in my thought and i just don't know how to write it in words.

and i also type and delete again and again as i just think it doesn't really reflect what i was thinking about.

seriously melissa? are you having psycho problem now?

well, it will be very simple if i just be a psycho.

but eventually i am not and i am stuck in this life.

it's easy to say this and that but it is very hard when you wanna do it.

honestly, half of me want to pass and half of me want it to fail.

that's why i'm saying i am crazy.

if i pass, and i will have to continue my current life.

stuck in nowhere and don't know what i want.

i just can't find myself and i am lost.

in the same time i still can enjoy my miserable life with my friends...

i want to go to Chin graduation day.

it was on my first day of orientation, if i pass.

if i fail, i already plan ahead.

to prepare if that really happened, which i feel there is a chance of getting fail.

no matter how hard i study it will still be the same.

you might say i am lazy and study not hard enough... well... be with it.

and if that really happened, i might as well stop studying and start working...

i really don't understand myself...

why am i need to put myself into this miserable life?

why in the very first place i don't just choose a simple course which only need 3 or 4 years of study.

and by now i will be graduating and working like almost half of my friends.

it's like a kind of hormonal imbalance in me seeing most of my friend going to grad or already graduate and start working and i, me, need to stuck in this life.

but i know what will it be if i fail, what my parent will think and how will they react to it if i propose that i don't wanna study anymore...

well, most of the people say study life is the best.

college life is the best.

not in my case!

yes, study life is great, but it was when i was in secondary school.

i agree that it was the happiest time during my life... with my gang of friends.

i can't say the friends in college is not good but it just very different from my old gang.

sometimes, i just wish i would born i a family with the parent is not highly educated...

then they will be so satisfied if their children will be able to just pass their exam.

i know money is very important, and without money you really can't do a lot of things...

but because of money then you have to make your life sad... its like so saddening.

done... i think finally i just wrote everything what i wanted to write...

no idea what will the future be, that's way i'm always stuck in the past.

义工

在慈济当义工的那两个星期，心情是格外的平静。

不知道是不是因为受到哪里人的影响。

那边的工作人员，很知足感恩。

就连我这个刚进去的义工，他们都对我很好。

里面的人简直就像是神仙。

不会乱发脾气，也不八卦你的私事。

不会介意你的背景，也不会说人家的坏话。

只要我帮他们做一点点地小事，他们会感激不已。

不管我做得多少，他们会觉得你帮了很多忙。

在那里两个星期，我感受到原来人间是那么美丽的。

也许是因为当时我刚好狠狠的跌了一角，那里就像一双温暖的手把我扶起来，慢慢地为我疗伤。

虽然现在伤口还会痛，但至少想开了，也作了别的打算。

要是，要是这次的考试成绩很差......

也许我不想在继续走这条路了。

走了那么久，虽然很想坚持走下去，可是真的太辛苦了。

这条路毕竟是孤独寂寞的。

也许我会自私点，不顾别人的感受了。

就是因为我顾虑得太多，才会走到今天这一步。

我不能怪别人，只好怪自己。

就是因为凭着慈济人所对我说的：能读书就是福，我给自己最后一次机会。

要是结果还是一样，我想要从新开始。

人生......

人生

不是童话故事

不会无忧无虑

不会永远过着幸福美满的生活

人生

总是起起落落

有些人高高在上

有些人永远都只能低头

人生

跌跌撞撞的

跌倒了再爬起来

并不是每个人都爬得起

人生

要怎么形容它

每个人都有不同的形容词

每个人的都是独一无二

人生漫长却又短暂

说要感恩、要知福

说何容易

人生......

what is hazard light/double signal and what are the uses of it

i can't believe some people are just so @#$%^&!!!

a simple question: what is the use of double signal(hazard light) of you car?

a damn simple answer: its for you to use when there is an emergency, or when your car break down and you need help. full stop!

and there is one guy who laugh/complain/swear at other people when they drive and didn't on the hazard light when it's raining.

i would laugh my lung out to those who on their hazard light when they drive on road during raining.

firstly,

it's illegal to use hazard light when the vehicle is moving.

secondly,

only vehicles that are disabled or lawfully stopped can have hazard lights it use

quote

"Most commonly, hazard lights are used on a disabled car which has been pulled to the side of the road. Especially at night, they increase the visibility of the car so that it will not be hit. It also alerts drivers to the fact that there is a problem of some kind, and some drivers use hazard lights to ask for help, usually in combination with leaving the hood up. Responders to an accident scene may also use their hazard lights to warn drivers about unusual conditions up ahead, and to help clear a lane for the accident."

"If visibility is low, such as in rain or snow, please use your *regular* lights, which have lights in both the front and the back and stay on constantly, rather than the hazard lights. Hazard lights are to indicate that you are a hazard, because you are traveling much slower than other traffic or are stopped in an improper parking space, not that there are hazardous conditions."

"It is a very bad idea to drive in snowy/rainy conditions with your hazard lights on.

If you are using your hazard lights, it is expected that you are stopped and pulled over on the side of the road. You are not telling other drivers anything they do not already know by using hazard lights in snowy conditions.

If a driver catches up to someone with their hazard lights on while driving and slow speeds, they could interpret this as the vehicle is stopped, and attempt to go around, but if the vehicle is not stopped and the following driver attempts to pass, this could put them into the ditch."

so by now anyone who drive should know that the double signal is not meant for you to on when it's raining.

even the rain is so damn heavy and the visible is so damn low, just on your regular light and it's sufficient.

there is no different between the break light which is red colour and double signal light which is yellow and people which is not blind yet will be able to see your vehicle.

lastly,

maybe he should find out the definition of "argue".

argue

- to give reason (for or against a proposal, proposition, etc.)

- to give reasons for and against, discuss, debate

argue doesn't only mean fight or quarrel but also TO GIVE REASON.

by the way, it's meaningless to ARGUE with those who don't understand.

already given all the facts to them and they still insists they are right.

so... no point.

people, don't use hazard light aka double signal when you are DRIVING, means that your car is still MOVING, because people might misunderstood that your car is having PROBLEM and need HELP or going to STOP as the double signal aka hazard light is meant for car that need HELP and having EMERGENCY or BREAKDOWN.

i will not only laugh my lung out but also laugh my ass out if i saw any driver that on their double signal/hazard light when there is heavy rain on road.

why it's call hazard light?? you know it yourself by now!

daydream

i'm having too much of daydreaming recently.....

how to stop all of this nonsense??

i don't mind if i daydream and it will become in real life.

but the fact it my life is completely, totally, oppositely from my daydream T.T

please come back to reality melissa. come back~~~ come back~~~~~~

i wonder am i having psycho symptoms...... haha...

Port Dickson holiday

my family and i went to Port Dickson for holiday last weekend.

my dad had conference over there and Novartis company sponsored him to stay at Thistle Hotel.

we just check online and found out that it is a 5 stars hotel.

the decoration was nice but it doesn't really look like a 5 stars hotel.

the dinner for the first day is not so good but the day after was not bad.

then at first night we have to go down lobby to watch football as it was not shown in any channel in the hotel room. how dare they say they are 5 stars hotel.

had a great night as Holland win over Brazil! haha!!

my sis support Brazil and i support Holland.

she can't believe kaka's team lost.

then Uruguay and Ghana match was so damn awesome!

everything was full of drama and it was so excited!

i can't believe Suarez actually use his hand to prevent the goal. haha!

my dad went to has his conference, my mom and 3 of us have fun and relaxing around the hotel.

my sis and my bro went for swimming for the second day and then we went to beach.

the beach was so damn dirty and have a little distance of sand only.

how good if there were more sandy place there.

that night we watch Argentina and Germany match in our room as TV2 show the match.

too bad Maradona has to pack his thing and go back Argentina... don't cry for me Argentina!!

Germany coach Joachim is still so handsome!

then my sister and i went down to lobby to watch another match between Paraguay and Spain.

luckily Spain won!

finally i have holiday after so long of suffering.

i will try to be a better girl.

这里是我记载我的一点一滴的地方

人，有时就是很奇怪。

明明是自己做的事，却又一直叫人家不要这么做。

不是我故意要看她的部落格。

而是偏偏给我不小心看到。

我已经尽量避她避得远远的，可是她总是觉得我要跟她吵。

是她一直看我的部落格，然后写在自己的部落格说我在数落她。

还真不知道是谁在说谁。

很奇怪的，我的面子书没有add她，她却知道我的一举一动。

我部落格写的东西，她比我还清楚。

今天她传了封简讯给我，我在看球赛，比赛完毕后才注意到的。

她问我可不可以跟她谈谈？

过了不久又另一个简讯来。

意思是这样的：

我知道你不喜欢我，我现在传简讯给你，可能你会写在你的部落格或者是面子书。可是我要让你知道，我不要跟你吵。我不认识你。有关我在部落格写的那一篇，不是关于你，而是我的室友。那个你以为是你的那一篇，其实是另一个人。可是当时我很生气因为我跟你吵。我要结束这一切，对不起要是我伤害到你。我不要再跟你吵。如果你要你可以问我任何东西。我删除我的面子书和部落格。不想跟你吵。

我根本就没有给过她我的电话号码，她从哪里得到的我心知肚明。

我也从来没有跟她吵过，她想说什么就有她吧。

我写中文，她看不懂，可是并不代表她会不懂，因为自然而然会有人翻译给她。

如果她真的不要吵，她可以停止看我的面子书和部落格。

偏偏她就是喜欢看，然后自作多情的觉得我在写她，要跟她吵。

很重要的一句，她写：我不想再知道有关你的事。

意思就是这些日子她都很在乎有关我的一切。

真的，我看开了。

我也忘了多久没有跟ah y说话了。

也许他觉得这一切都是值得的。

有哪个人不是重色轻友的？

分不清是非的人，我又可以怎样。

对！我不喜欢她！不喜欢她的一切！

我不认识她！所以请她离我远一点！

请不要在关注我的一举一动。

她要说什么都可以，因为她说的都是对的。

就因为我看起来就是一副欺负人的样子，而她看起来就是懦弱被人欺负的样子；并不代表她不会欺负人，也不代表我不会被人欺负！

她如果真的不要吵，就不应该传简讯给我！就不应该在部落格写我，然后说她不是在写我！也不应该看我的部落格或面子书！

对！我会写在部落格，因为这里是我记载我的一点一滴的地方。

我说过了，只要她有回应，就表示她一直在注意我。

i dreamed a dream

i dreamed a dream.

it was still so clear.

i remember i was driving around melaka raya.

then at a junction it was change from 2 ways to 1 way.

i was unable to turn and have to take a big route.

and i was quite lost, not sure is't because i haven't been there for quite some time.

so i was turning and turning around that place...

and then i reach a place, and my friends was inside there.

those that i still remember were weiling and ky, and a few more which i guess will be jialing, chinfong.

in that dream, i was told by them that there will be a concert tonight at that area.

all of them had prepare a dress to wear that night.

and ky was showing her dress in blue and it was quite oversize for her as she is so thin.

then we were just playing around and i come out this suggestion.

i tell ky since the dress is quite bigsize for her why don't just let me try.

and as usual ky over-react-reaction came out and all of us just laugh.

i wasn't really like the dress nor i didn't think it was nice.

but just to bully ky and other of them just grab the dress from her and ask me to wear it.

so i wore it and walk out from the room to hall to show weiling.

in the other side, there were setting up the stage preparing for the concert.

it was as if right in front of our house and we can see it quite clearly.

then a band was standing up there rehearsal and prepare.

so as i wear out the dress and show weiling, i was noticed by 3 different man.

and they just walk over to the house we were in.

at the same time we didn't really notice about it cause we were busying bully ky.

3 of them just came it and was like attracted to me and all of us was stunned.

and 3 of them held my hand one by one.

i was stunned and have no reaction... so did my friends.

and they were actually some prince from some kingdom.

and their father which is the king actually stepped into the house.

this is just a dream and i woke up after appearance of the king.

3 of the prince were good looking but 3 of them have different characters.

and on that day it was so happy for me and everything went so well.

but i didn't expected that i was sent up to heaven and was pushed down the day after.

everything was just a dream and dream will always have happiness.

what i'm feeling??

i really don't know what i'm feeling right now.

everything seem to feel so wrong.

i can't sit well. can't sleep well. can't even lie down well. and also can't shit well.

i can't believe myself actually over nervous and too scare until i am having diarrhea right now!!

i don't know what will the result be.

and it is coming out in less then 1 hour time.

hate everything that need to count down.

but actually everything in our life is counting.

especially counting down till the time we gonna pass away.

i know i am craping but this really make me forget everything for a little while.

even thought it's only last for few second.

it was a relief actually and i really don't know how to handle these and face all this thing!!

i never felt so scared and nervous as like this before.

and all i want is just a pass. i don't mind if it's really only 50%.

i just wanna get over this year and able to go into 3rd year and i want to live my life totally different.

and only by passing this exam i will be able to move on.

i don't want to stuck at the same place anymore...

this is another turning point in my life.

either live or dead!

yes it's that serious!

i don't ever dare to think what i'm going to do if i fail.

please... although you will say failure is just a part of our life.

no please... no more...

i sincerely pray that i will pass this exam.

not only me and all of us pass this exam.

i bug my close friends to pray for me and i hope that it really work.

i really need this. so desperate and never as desperate as this before.

until all this typing and shouting out.

i still don't know what i'm feeling.

i hate this feeling!!!

my wedding?!

yesterday after my professional exam first SAQ paper, mya, wanda, gaya and i had lunch together in Arrif.
it's have been such a long time 4 of us actually sit and have lunch together.
mya says she wanted to study by herself when it was 2 months away from pro exam.
so our group left wanda, gaya and i 3 of us.
everything like get back to old time... even though we haven't sit down eat or talk together for such a long time.
guess that friendship is such a weird relationship.
you still able to talk and have good laugh even though haven't meet for quite some time.


my sister tag me in a post in facebook yesterday.
she was writing: Melissa Ting, last night i dreamt that i playing piano and alvin playing flute on ur wedding.. LMAO.. so nice sial! and i can remember was song sommor! and u have your wavy hair back but i forget where ur husband handsome o not d.. LOL

after i read her post i was like wth??!!!


and there goes my wall spam.

can't believe my sister actually dream of that.
and i don't even think that i will get married so soon or even get married.

AND SHE FORGET THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!!!
MY HUSBAND HANDSOME OR NOT?????????


and then my cousin start to join the conversation and wanted to join the band.
my sis play piano my bro play flute my cousin, jean play cello, another cousin, kevin play violin, little nephew can take over drum and at last another cousin ask weather he can join clarinet.

and from a little band become orchestra.

i was again like WTF?!
are you guys serious???
i don't even sure i will get married or not and you guys start all this nonsense!


actually i had wonder for quite some time weather i will be married or not.
my longest and the only relationship only last for half a year.
i admit that there are a few people who try to court me but at last i didn't be with them.
don't ask me why because i also don't know the reason.
when someone who court me ask why i can't be with them... i have no good reason.


i also can't be with someone for sometime.
i will start to feel bored towards him or i will feel irritated with everything he do.
maybe i am such a kind that want for the most perfect person.
i want this and i want that and he cannot be like this and like that.
that's why till now i not yet really found such people that really meet what i wish.
and i wonder am i able to find such guy.


sometimes i just feel that be friends is the most comfortable things.
there is no commitment and promise and by that i will not get disappointed or anything.
and the passion between 2 people will always be there.


maybe i have seen too many marriage which become so ugly at last.
maybe single is much better.
too many freedom and i can do anything i want.


so conclusion is:
Jennifer you can dream as much as you want! hahahaha!!
i'm not sure i will married or not or maybe at last i married because i want a baby! hahahaha!
this is more ridiculous!
or maybe you're the one who get married since now so many people dance in their wedding dinner and whatsoever and what you dreamt was your marriage right?! haha!!!

why my sis so funny?! sometimes just think of her and i can laugh for no reason.

p/s: maybe i'm in love with you lo hor jen! HAHAHAHA!!

holiday-tioman-diving

damn it!

i'm thinking about diving and Tioman!!!

this was exactly a year ago!

at first i was searching my diving log book.

i thought i lost it! wtf!

then i found...

and then i was searching my diving license!

it was in my wallet and i thought i misplace it else where.

after that i was wondering where is my cert.

or i don't even have a cert from the diving center? wtf again!?

somehow i have sexy lip. wtf?!

why i can't just thinking about my professional exam?

something about SAQ, MCQ, OSPE, OSCE

or more detail of CVS, NS, musculo or respi, reproductive bla bla bla...

this is what i suppose to think right now!

damn it!!

and my handsome-young-ang mo instructor!

i just wish it is over ASAP!

then i pass with enough-to-eat result.

and then i can go to Tioman! and DIVE!

or maybe taiwan?

my little sister!

had a great great great chat with my sis yesterday night...

wonder how long we've talk... we might talk whole night!

i think we talk until 5 something am...

it was how long ago we had such long talk? i can't really remember...

but it was totally wonderful.

i get to know my sis better and it surprise me that both of us somehow alike in many ways.

the way we think, the way we deal with everything and also the way we enjoy our life.

i guess that both of us need lots of freedom and thus bf is not a really important thing.

friends are more important to us i guess...

with friends we can be how crazy we are.

and eventually we grow up and be more considerable and able to think for others.

i'm glad that my sis getter more mature in the way she thinks...

i still can remember we always fight when we were young.

maybe i was suppose to be the only attention to my parent and when she pop out, she steal everything from me. haha

then i always try to push everything to her if we do something wrong. hahaha...

cause usually we will not get scold if is her fault.

and we have a special way of dealing each other.

i remember telling her that i was the eldest and she has to listen to everything i say.

and when i ask her to do something she must do it.

she has to pour a cup of water to me when i want it, and she has to finish it when i wave my hand. (wtf?!)

and she just obey and didn't ask anything or argue with me

we always bath together when we were young.

and we had an imaginary friend's name 'Connie'.

HAHAHA! how funny was that.

yeah... i laugh when i think back about it.

imaginary friend??

what i remember is our dad told us once (or many times)

you only have 1 sister, who you gonna love if you don't love your only sister?

i think this really change us.

from time, we getting closer and closer.

we seldom fight now... or i can say we never fight now.

maybe some quarrel but the next second we are cool again.

sometimes just make me wonder how other family siblings can fight with each other...

now i feel it is so fun to have a sister... which not the way i think when i was small

we are almost same size and we wear each other shirt.

we wear each other shoes and will not complain...

i always thought of her whenever i saw something nice or something that suit her.

i bought tonnes of earrings even though i don't pierce my ears cause i give it all to my sis!

she's just so cool and everything will be just so wonderful with her around.

i really glad that i have a sister!

really very very happy and i know i am lucky to have her as my sister.

i hope that she will always be happy..

i love you Jennifer!

start a fight?

someone is just too free and she wanna stat a fight with me. AGAIN!

yeah i guess she's just too free and i'm too busy to respond to her.

even though i am immature but i am not as childish as her!

she better don't take out her 'bf' when the fight started.

oh btw her religion teach her to be a terrorist.

but didn't teach her to fight.

if she privatize her blog again then i'll know she's still stalking me.

jealous-ing me how wonderful my life is.

what a bitch!

*just a random post. don't be too sensitive and take it personally as i'm not talking about you!