可不可以让我一步，让我赢一下．．．。would you step one step behind, let me win for once…

已经很久没有上网以及更新我的部落格了。每 个星期都过的很不一样。之前两个星期我都特别的压力。每个星期一都是全新的开始，可是到星期三或星期四时，我的心情渐渐陷入低潮。星期一、二，我都可以开 开心心的，一直到星期三，我可以动不动就掉眼泪。很容易的，没理由的，眼泪可以不知不觉从眼眶掉下。前两个星期我都是那么过的。我知道自己的情绪上受到很 大的影响，我不可再在这样下去。我只是开学一个月还没到一年就有这么多压力的症状，我要这么度过我那沉重的五年啊？而且有点像忧郁症的前兆。

Haven’t been online and update my blog for quite a long time. Every week is a different week. 2 weeks before I am so much in stress. I begin every week with fresh start, but on Wednesday or Thursday, I will feel so down and unhappy. On Monday and Tuesday I am a happy girl, but when reach Wednesday and Thursday, my tears just dropped so easily. Very easy without any reason, my tears just fall down from my eyes. I know that I am being very emotional mentally, and I know I can’t continue to be like this. This is only the first month of my studies and I already having so much stress, how should I continue my 5 years course? And I’m having some psychology symptom.

最大的敌人还是自己。我就是过不了自己的那 一关。也许我给自己的压力太大了。虽然每次的考试我都及格，而且一次比一次进步，可是却达不到我的满意。或许，我的期望太高了，我给自己的目标太遥远了。 我想要比很多人更好，可是我达不到那个目标。我很努力，可是我的成绩只是于平均。我不满意，也不服气。比别人付出更多，却得不到别人的一半。

The biggest enemy is my own self. Maybe I gave myself too much stress. Even though I pass my every test, even better then the test before that, but still can’t reach my expectation. Maybe I gave too high expectation to myself, and my aims were too far. I want to be much more better then other people, but I can’t reach for my aims. I worked very hard, but my result was average. I am not satisfied, and I don’t. I put upon so much hard work compare to others, but I didn’t get what I should have.

人比人，会比死人。就是因为比较让我自己陷 入很深的低潮。虽然现在心理还没真正的平衡回，但至少比前两个星期好很多了。我不去在乎我的成绩。星期五考完考试就回家，不要等待成绩出炉。当讲师念得到 的学生时，要一直提醒自己的名字是不会出现的。成绩怎样都好，至少及格就够了。已经尽力的就不需要后悔。每次我都需要这样的安慰自己。要找人诉说，好像没 有一个是适合的对象。

Compare too much will make one so suffer. This is the reason I dropped into my own trap. I am much better compare to last 2 weeks, even my emotional was not balance yet. I don’t really care about the result after test. Every Friday I will go back without waiting my result to post out. When the lecture calls out names that get A’s, I will not hope for my name to review. No matter how is my result, at least I passed it. The important is I did my best and nothing for me to regret. I used to comfort myself every time after exam. Want to find someone to talk about, but I just can’t found that perfect person.

有时会觉得很累，争都不想争了。有时连话都不想说，保持沉默不是一件很难的事。有时不想理会身边发生的事。有时遇到那一些一步都不想退一步的人，宁愿自己吞下算了。也许一个很虚伪的微笑不一切都带过。

Sometimes I felt so tired, don’t feel like fighting. Sometimes I don’t want to split out any word, being silence is not a hard thing. Sometimes I don’t even care what happened around me. Sometimes I meet someone who doesn’t want to step back, I would rather swallow all the suffering myself. Maybe a fake smile would let go everything.

我亲爱的朋友，有时发生争执或意见不和时，可不可以让我一步，让我赢一下．．．

My very dear friend, some times when having different point of view or some little disagreement, would you step one step behind, let me win for once…

31/08/08