我需要一些时间整理我的思绪。
只是想通知我还活着。
i know i've not been update my blog for a very long time.
i guess i just need some time to organize my emotion.
just to inform that i'm still alive.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
我还活着。 i'm still alive
我知道没有更新我的部落格了。
我需要一些时间整理我的思绪。
只是想通知我还活着。
i know i've not been update my blog for a very long time.
i guess i just need some time to organize my emotion.
just to inform that i'm still alive.
我需要一些时间整理我的思绪。
只是想通知我还活着。
i know i've not been update my blog for a very long time.
i guess i just need some time to organize my emotion.
just to inform that i'm still alive.
Friday, November 7, 2008
曾经闪耀的星星，现在已经熄灭了。The star that shines had gone
最近的生活都很平静，平静得有点闷。
两个星期过去了，什么都好像没有改变。
Physiology block过了，现在是Biochemistry。
还是一样每个星期都有评审。
已经读得很闷了。
要是我有别人的一巴仙该有多好。
My life was too peaceful lately, and I am bored with my life.
2 weeks had passed, like nothing ever changed.
Physiology block is over, and now is Biochemistry.
I’m still having exam every week as usual.
And I’ve studied until so bored.
How good I have one percent of others.
我缺少推动力，读书都靠心情。
心情好，很快就可以读完。
心情不好，怎么读都读不进脑。
常常都在犹豫我做的决定是不是适合我的。
I don’t really have the study force, and study based on my mood.
When I have good mood, I can finish very fast.
But when I am not in the mood, nothing will go into my mind.
Kept thinking is I choosing the right choice.
我已经尽我全力做到最好。
可是我还是会感到失望。
我很需要别人的那一巴仙。
也许多了那一点，我会变成最棒的其中一个。
I tried my best to do the best.
But I still feel disappointed.
I really need the one percent of others.
Maybe if I have that, I might be among the best.
很希望我的生活可以多一点的色彩。
每天都过着同样的生活，同样的节奏，同样的旋律。
I want my life to be more colourful.
Everyday having the same life, same bit, same melody.
曾经闪耀的星星，现在已经熄灭了。
The star that shines had gone.
两个星期过去了，什么都好像没有改变。
Physiology block过了，现在是Biochemistry。
还是一样每个星期都有评审。
已经读得很闷了。
要是我有别人的一巴仙该有多好。
My life was too peaceful lately, and I am bored with my life.
2 weeks had passed, like nothing ever changed.
Physiology block is over, and now is Biochemistry.
I’m still having exam every week as usual.
And I’ve studied until so bored.
How good I have one percent of others.
我缺少推动力，读书都靠心情。
心情好，很快就可以读完。
心情不好，怎么读都读不进脑。
常常都在犹豫我做的决定是不是适合我的。
I don’t really have the study force, and study based on my mood.
When I have good mood, I can finish very fast.
But when I am not in the mood, nothing will go into my mind.
Kept thinking is I choosing the right choice.
我已经尽我全力做到最好。
可是我还是会感到失望。
我很需要别人的那一巴仙。
也许多了那一点，我会变成最棒的其中一个。
I tried my best to do the best.
But I still feel disappointed.
I really need the one percent of others.
Maybe if I have that, I might be among the best.
很希望我的生活可以多一点的色彩。
每天都过着同样的生活，同样的节奏，同样的旋律。
I want my life to be more colourful.
Everyday having the same life, same bit, same melody.
曾经闪耀的星星，现在已经熄灭了。
The star that shines had gone.
Monday, October 27, 2008
回忆里。in the memory
10月17日，星期五，考试完后我就回到马六甲。
傍晚到外公的丧礼祭拜。
不知道当天我落了多少的眼泪。
当每个人的心情已经平静了，我才要开始起伏不定。
回忆起十三年前外婆去世的那一天，我也是经历一样的感觉。
虽然当时的我只有7岁，那感觉好像昨天才发生。
October 17th, Friday, I went back to Malacca right after my exam.
Evening, I went to my grandpa funeral.
I don’t know how many tears I dropped that day.
Most of them already in normal state, and I just started to be emotional.
I experience the same feeling 13 years before, when my grandmother pass away.
Although I was 7 years old, but it feels like just happened yesterday.
我看了外公的遗容，他的脸好像在微笑着。
是不是解放了，轻松了，所以微笑了？
I saw my grandpa body, his face was like smiling.
It’s that he let go everything, feeling relief, and then he smile?
我反复看了很多次，害怕我会回忘了他的容貌。
I see it again and again, I’m scared that I will forget how he look like.
星期六早上发生了一些不愉快的事。
明明前一晚妈妈已经说好明早我们一起去外公家。
可是 早上妈妈不但没有叫醒我，还独自和弟弟去了外公家。
感觉我是被遗忘、被遗弃的。
我知道是我想太多了，可是我不想错过当天的葬礼。
Saturday morning something unpleasant happened.
The night before my mom says we will go to grandpa house together.
But that morning, my mom didn’t wake me up, and she went there with my brother.
Feel that I was being forgotten, being left behind.
I know I think too much, but I just don’t want to miss a thing in the funeral.
妈妈的用意是要我做爸爸的车去，可是爸爸还没睡醒。
我不明白的是为什么就不能让我跟她一起去。
当时 气得哭了，也伤心地哭了。
My mom wants me to follow my dad, but he was sleeping.
I don’t understand why she just can’t let me go with her.
I cried of anger, and cried of sad.
最后我宁愿自己驾车上去。
十点多礼仪开始，师傅念经，我们祭拜。
过后打开棺木，把干冰拿掉。
打开棺木时，每个人都好像崩溃了，每个人都哭得很凄惨。
At last, I rather drove there myself.
The prayer started around 10am, the Master started the prayer.
Then they open the coffin, and took out the dry ice.
When the coffin was opened, everyone was crying so badly.
师傅开始一边把金纸放入棺木里，一边吩咐外公放心得走。
我们一边哭泣，一边走到棺木旁看外公最后一眼。
The Master put in the paper money, and tells my grandpa to leave peacefully.
All of us was crying so badly, and walk beside the coffin to see grandpa one last time.
棺木被抬到屋外时，我们每个人都不可看。
棺木摆好后，又继续一连串的礼仪仪式。
When the coffin was taken outside of the house, we are not allowed to watch it.
After the coffin was put in front the house, prayers begin.
当时正下着雨，天空灰灰的。
就像我们的眼泪，我们的心情。
It was raining, and the sky is grey.
Just like our tears, just like our feeling.
中午十二点多，棺木被抬上车。
每个人有在这个时候痛哭。
家里最年长的那个就一直吩咐我们够了，让外公放心得走吧！
In the noon, the coffin was out into the van.
Each of us was crying and crying.
And the eldest in the family tell us to control our sadness, let grandpa leave peacefully.
大雨变成毛毛雨，心情慢慢平复。
Rains begin to become drizzling, and our emotion is under control.
到了山上，师傅不准我们回头看棺木下土。
要我们祭拜后，手握一把泥土丢在棺木上，头也不回的走下山。
原本平静了的心情，看到外公的棺木在地下，眼泪不自觉地掉下来。
On the mountain, the Master doesn’t allow us to see the coffin was put into the earth.
After prayers, each of us hold a handful of sand, throw upon the coffin, and walk down the mountain without turn back.
The emotion which was under control back to uncontrollable when I saw my grandpa coffin was in there, my tears just falls.
心想：躺在里面那个人是我的外公，再也不会见到他了…
In my heart: the one that lying inside was my grandpa, and I will never see him again…
回到家还要祭拜，然后把那些要给外公的东西都烧给他。
祭拜后，丧礼总算结束了。
休息的休息，大扫的大扫。
We still need to pray after we were home, then burn everything that we need to burn to grandpa.
After all the prayers, that was the end of the funeral.
Some people having some rest and some people were cleaning the house.
晚上有开桌，我并不知道丧礼后要开桌的意思。
开了十五桌，全部亲戚都到齐了。
We were having grand dinner in the house; I don’t really understand the meaning of having grand dinner after the funeral.
They opened 15 tables for the entire guess, mostly our relatives.
晚餐后，妈妈全部的兄弟姐妹都聚在屋外。
我和几个 年长一点的表哥表姐也坐在那里。
大人们都在聊天，不知不觉聊起外公以前做过的事。
很多都是有趣的事，大家都一边说一边笑。
他们也说外公以前最疼得孩子是谁。
他们也说，虽然外公很严格，可是不会重男轻女。
他不曾打过他的女儿，反而是儿子常常被罚。
还有外公常常带他的孙子孙女倒咖啡店去喝咖啡。
After dinner, brothers and sisters of my mom were sitting in front of the house.
I and some of the elder cousin were sitting there too.
They were chit-chatting, and we talk about what grandpa did when he was young.
Most of it was interesting, each of us talk and laugh.
They said which my grandpa favorite child was.
They also said that even though my grandpa was very strict, but he treats his children equally, no matter girls or boys.
And my grandpa always brings his grandchild to coffee shop for coffee.
我也有着一段的记忆。
记得小时候要是有机会回到外公家，外公一定会带我到附近的咖啡店去喝咖啡。
也许我现在喜欢喝咖啡是这样由来的。
外公会带我骑着他的摩多，然后抱我坐在长椅上。
他每次都会把咖啡放在咖啡碟，慢慢吹着，冷了才会让我喝。
原来我和外公有那么一段很美好的回忆。
I also have this part of memory.
When I was very young, whenever I have the chance to go back grandpa house, he will always brings me to coffee shop for coffee.
Maybe this is why I like coffee now.
He will bring me using his motorbike, and then he will carry me to the long chair in the coffee shop.
Every time he will pour some of the coffee onto the coffee plate, and then blow it, until the coffee was cool down only he will let me drink.
Eventually, I have this beautiful memory with my grandpa.
大家在厅外有说有笑的谈天，好像什么事都没发生过。
好像外公还在。
可以看到大家在有说有笑的当时，眼眶有泪。
Everyone was talking in front of the house, seem like nothing ever happened.
Seem like grandpa still there.
But when everyone was laughing, there were tears in the eyes too.
死亡，每个人都要面对的。
只是一个人的离去，对这个世界并不会有很大的影响。
就像我们可以在厅外有说有笑。
好像所有的事都不曾发生。
好像外公还有在。
外公是不在了，可是他会永远的在我心里。
Death, every single people have to face it.
When someone passes away, it does not affect this world at all.
Just like all of us was sitting in front of the house, talk about the past.
Seems like nothing ever happened.
Seems like grandpa was still there.
Grandpa was not here anymore, but he will always be in my heart.
外公的遗容是微笑的，他一定能安息，他一定会在另一个世界好好过的。
His face smiles, he will leave peacefully, he will live very good in the other world.
傍晚到外公的丧礼祭拜。
不知道当天我落了多少的眼泪。
当每个人的心情已经平静了，我才要开始起伏不定。
回忆起十三年前外婆去世的那一天，我也是经历一样的感觉。
虽然当时的我只有7岁，那感觉好像昨天才发生。
October 17th, Friday, I went back to Malacca right after my exam.
Evening, I went to my grandpa funeral.
I don’t know how many tears I dropped that day.
Most of them already in normal state, and I just started to be emotional.
I experience the same feeling 13 years before, when my grandmother pass away.
Although I was 7 years old, but it feels like just happened yesterday.
我看了外公的遗容，他的脸好像在微笑着。
是不是解放了，轻松了，所以微笑了？
I saw my grandpa body, his face was like smiling.
It’s that he let go everything, feeling relief, and then he smile?
我反复看了很多次，害怕我会回忘了他的容貌。
I see it again and again, I’m scared that I will forget how he look like.
星期六早上发生了一些不愉快的事。
明明前一晚妈妈已经说好明早我们一起去外公家。
可是 早上妈妈不但没有叫醒我，还独自和弟弟去了外公家。
感觉我是被遗忘、被遗弃的。
我知道是我想太多了，可是我不想错过当天的葬礼。
Saturday morning something unpleasant happened.
The night before my mom says we will go to grandpa house together.
But that morning, my mom didn’t wake me up, and she went there with my brother.
Feel that I was being forgotten, being left behind.
I know I think too much, but I just don’t want to miss a thing in the funeral.
妈妈的用意是要我做爸爸的车去，可是爸爸还没睡醒。
我不明白的是为什么就不能让我跟她一起去。
当时 气得哭了，也伤心地哭了。
My mom wants me to follow my dad, but he was sleeping.
I don’t understand why she just can’t let me go with her.
I cried of anger, and cried of sad.
最后我宁愿自己驾车上去。
十点多礼仪开始，师傅念经，我们祭拜。
过后打开棺木，把干冰拿掉。
打开棺木时，每个人都好像崩溃了，每个人都哭得很凄惨。
At last, I rather drove there myself.
The prayer started around 10am, the Master started the prayer.
Then they open the coffin, and took out the dry ice.
When the coffin was opened, everyone was crying so badly.
师傅开始一边把金纸放入棺木里，一边吩咐外公放心得走。
我们一边哭泣，一边走到棺木旁看外公最后一眼。
The Master put in the paper money, and tells my grandpa to leave peacefully.
All of us was crying so badly, and walk beside the coffin to see grandpa one last time.
棺木被抬到屋外时，我们每个人都不可看。
棺木摆好后，又继续一连串的礼仪仪式。
When the coffin was taken outside of the house, we are not allowed to watch it.
After the coffin was put in front the house, prayers begin.
当时正下着雨，天空灰灰的。
就像我们的眼泪，我们的心情。
It was raining, and the sky is grey.
Just like our tears, just like our feeling.
中午十二点多，棺木被抬上车。
每个人有在这个时候痛哭。
家里最年长的那个就一直吩咐我们够了，让外公放心得走吧！
In the noon, the coffin was out into the van.
Each of us was crying and crying.
And the eldest in the family tell us to control our sadness, let grandpa leave peacefully.
大雨变成毛毛雨，心情慢慢平复。
Rains begin to become drizzling, and our emotion is under control.
到了山上，师傅不准我们回头看棺木下土。
要我们祭拜后，手握一把泥土丢在棺木上，头也不回的走下山。
原本平静了的心情，看到外公的棺木在地下，眼泪不自觉地掉下来。
On the mountain, the Master doesn’t allow us to see the coffin was put into the earth.
After prayers, each of us hold a handful of sand, throw upon the coffin, and walk down the mountain without turn back.
The emotion which was under control back to uncontrollable when I saw my grandpa coffin was in there, my tears just falls.
心想：躺在里面那个人是我的外公，再也不会见到他了…
In my heart: the one that lying inside was my grandpa, and I will never see him again…
回到家还要祭拜，然后把那些要给外公的东西都烧给他。
祭拜后，丧礼总算结束了。
休息的休息，大扫的大扫。
We still need to pray after we were home, then burn everything that we need to burn to grandpa.
After all the prayers, that was the end of the funeral.
Some people having some rest and some people were cleaning the house.
晚上有开桌，我并不知道丧礼后要开桌的意思。
开了十五桌，全部亲戚都到齐了。
We were having grand dinner in the house; I don’t really understand the meaning of having grand dinner after the funeral.
They opened 15 tables for the entire guess, mostly our relatives.
晚餐后，妈妈全部的兄弟姐妹都聚在屋外。
我和几个 年长一点的表哥表姐也坐在那里。
大人们都在聊天，不知不觉聊起外公以前做过的事。
很多都是有趣的事，大家都一边说一边笑。
他们也说外公以前最疼得孩子是谁。
他们也说，虽然外公很严格，可是不会重男轻女。
他不曾打过他的女儿，反而是儿子常常被罚。
还有外公常常带他的孙子孙女倒咖啡店去喝咖啡。
After dinner, brothers and sisters of my mom were sitting in front of the house.
I and some of the elder cousin were sitting there too.
They were chit-chatting, and we talk about what grandpa did when he was young.
Most of it was interesting, each of us talk and laugh.
They said which my grandpa favorite child was.
They also said that even though my grandpa was very strict, but he treats his children equally, no matter girls or boys.
And my grandpa always brings his grandchild to coffee shop for coffee.
我也有着一段的记忆。
记得小时候要是有机会回到外公家，外公一定会带我到附近的咖啡店去喝咖啡。
也许我现在喜欢喝咖啡是这样由来的。
外公会带我骑着他的摩多，然后抱我坐在长椅上。
他每次都会把咖啡放在咖啡碟，慢慢吹着，冷了才会让我喝。
原来我和外公有那么一段很美好的回忆。
I also have this part of memory.
When I was very young, whenever I have the chance to go back grandpa house, he will always brings me to coffee shop for coffee.
Maybe this is why I like coffee now.
He will bring me using his motorbike, and then he will carry me to the long chair in the coffee shop.
Every time he will pour some of the coffee onto the coffee plate, and then blow it, until the coffee was cool down only he will let me drink.
Eventually, I have this beautiful memory with my grandpa.
大家在厅外有说有笑的谈天，好像什么事都没发生过。
好像外公还在。
可以看到大家在有说有笑的当时，眼眶有泪。
Everyone was talking in front of the house, seem like nothing ever happened.
Seem like grandpa still there.
But when everyone was laughing, there were tears in the eyes too.
死亡，每个人都要面对的。
只是一个人的离去，对这个世界并不会有很大的影响。
就像我们可以在厅外有说有笑。
好像所有的事都不曾发生。
好像外公还有在。
外公是不在了，可是他会永远的在我心里。
Death, every single people have to face it.
When someone passes away, it does not affect this world at all.
Just like all of us was sitting in front of the house, talk about the past.
Seems like nothing ever happened.
Seems like grandpa was still there.
Grandpa was not here anymore, but he will always be in my heart.
外公的遗容是微笑的，他一定能安息，他一定会在另一个世界好好过的。
His face smiles, he will leave peacefully, he will live very good in the other world.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
生活的意义。meaning of life
在我出发去赛城之前收到外公的死讯。
可是我还是回到赛城，因为有上课。
我想我妈也不会要我忽略我的学业。
一路上，心情很低落。
right before i went back to cyberjaya i get the death news of my grandfather.
but i still go back to cyberjaya, as i got class.
i know that my mom will not also let this to affect my studies.
i am so down along the way back.
上个星期五回到马六甲就马上去医院看我外公。
妈妈说外公一度停止心跳。
星期六晚上，妈妈的兄妹决定把外公带回外公家。
让他在他自己的家渡过最后的人生。
last friday i went back to malacca to visit my grandfather.
my mom says my grandfather heart beat stopped once.
on saturday night, siblings of my mom decided to bring my grandfather back to his own house.
每一次看到外公都会控制不住自己的情绪，泪如雨下。
every time i see my grandfather, i will not be able to control my feelings, and tears fall.
星期天妈妈叫我们去外公家，见见最后一面。
看到外公，有忍不住流泪。
走到他床边叫他，可是他并没有应我。
时不时睁开眼睛，一直看天花板上面。
我不知道他看到什么，很想知道。
很害怕那一刻会到来。
不知道我可不可以忍受在我眼前失去生命。
on sunday my mom call me go back and see my grandfather for the last time.
my tears just flow when i saw him.
i went to his bedside and called him, but he didn't respond to me.
he open his eyes once a while, but just keep looking on the celling.
i don't know what he is looking at, want to know so much.
i am so scared of that moment.
i don't know will i be able to see someone just pass away in front of me.
外公的子女全部赶得及回来见最后一面。
每个人叫他放心得走。
听了真的很难受。
那时我真的崩溃了。
all of my grandfather children is able to come back and see the one last time.
everyone is calling him to leave peacefully.
that was to sad.
i totally can't control my feeling that time.
到最后，我没有看到外公呼最后一口气。
我想我会很难接受。
at last, i didn't see my grandfather breath out the last breath.
i think i will feel very suffering.
还以为我回没有机会到我外公的丧礼。
他们把丧礼办到这个星期六。
就为了让我能够参加外公的丧礼。
毕竟我是外家长孙。
i thought i will not be able to attend my grandfather funeral.
then my relative decide to make the funeral until this saturday.
to let me attend his funeral.
要是到最后人会死，那又为何要活在这个世界上？
要是吃食物后又会拉粪，那又为何要吃呢？
if human will die at last, then what's the point to live in this world?
if we had food and the food will come out at feces, what's the point to eat?
我问的问题是一个没有答案的问题。
我很需要一个生活的意义。
the question i asked is a no answer question.
i need a meaning of life.
可是我还是回到赛城，因为有上课。
我想我妈也不会要我忽略我的学业。
一路上，心情很低落。
right before i went back to cyberjaya i get the death news of my grandfather.
but i still go back to cyberjaya, as i got class.
i know that my mom will not also let this to affect my studies.
i am so down along the way back.
上个星期五回到马六甲就马上去医院看我外公。
妈妈说外公一度停止心跳。
星期六晚上，妈妈的兄妹决定把外公带回外公家。
让他在他自己的家渡过最后的人生。
last friday i went back to malacca to visit my grandfather.
my mom says my grandfather heart beat stopped once.
on saturday night, siblings of my mom decided to bring my grandfather back to his own house.
每一次看到外公都会控制不住自己的情绪，泪如雨下。
every time i see my grandfather, i will not be able to control my feelings, and tears fall.
星期天妈妈叫我们去外公家，见见最后一面。
看到外公，有忍不住流泪。
走到他床边叫他，可是他并没有应我。
时不时睁开眼睛，一直看天花板上面。
我不知道他看到什么，很想知道。
很害怕那一刻会到来。
不知道我可不可以忍受在我眼前失去生命。
on sunday my mom call me go back and see my grandfather for the last time.
my tears just flow when i saw him.
i went to his bedside and called him, but he didn't respond to me.
he open his eyes once a while, but just keep looking on the celling.
i don't know what he is looking at, want to know so much.
i am so scared of that moment.
i don't know will i be able to see someone just pass away in front of me.
外公的子女全部赶得及回来见最后一面。
每个人叫他放心得走。
听了真的很难受。
那时我真的崩溃了。
all of my grandfather children is able to come back and see the one last time.
everyone is calling him to leave peacefully.
that was to sad.
i totally can't control my feeling that time.
到最后，我没有看到外公呼最后一口气。
我想我会很难接受。
at last, i didn't see my grandfather breath out the last breath.
i think i will feel very suffering.
还以为我回没有机会到我外公的丧礼。
他们把丧礼办到这个星期六。
就为了让我能够参加外公的丧礼。
毕竟我是外家长孙。
i thought i will not be able to attend my grandfather funeral.
then my relative decide to make the funeral until this saturday.
to let me attend his funeral.
要是到最后人会死，那又为何要活在这个世界上？
要是吃食物后又会拉粪，那又为何要吃呢？
if human will die at last, then what's the point to live in this world?
if we had food and the food will come out at feces, what's the point to eat?
我问的问题是一个没有答案的问题。
我很需要一个生活的意义。
the question i asked is a no answer question.
i need a meaning of life.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
要是到最后人会死，那又为何要活在这个世界上？if human will die at last, then what's the point to live in this world.
昨天一回到家便去看我的外公。
前几天别送进医院紧急病房，昨天还一度停止心跳。
i went to see my grandpa right after i reach my home yesterday.
a few day before, he was admit into ICU, and his heart was stop once yesterday.
外公之前是好好的。
我不明白为什么外公家那里的人要把他送进院。
有时他会不想吃。
但是要是有点耐心坐在他身边说说话，他会要吃的。
他的年龄都那么大了，九十多岁。
他并不是生什么病，而是老人病。
根本就不需要送进医院。
反而害到他全身是伤。
为了验血、抽血等，令到他的手臂都黑青了。
my grandpa is all right before this.
i don't understand why people in the house want to send him to the hospital.
some times he refuse to eat.
but if you are patient enough to sit beside him and talk to him, he will eat.
he already so old, 90 something.
he didn't ill, just some old people sickness.
don't really need to send in hospital.
that only make bruise to him.
because of blood test and some other test, already made his arm blue-black.
要是他的时间到了，我们要做什么都不行。
不是说残忍或没良心。
要是那样让我的外公受苦，不如让他一走了之不是更好吗？
减少他的痛苦，让他在他最后的人生好好过。
if his time is arrived, we can't do anything.
not say that i am cruel or heartless.
letting my grandpa suffer, why not just let him go?
reduce his suffering, let his leftover life be peaceful.
这样算残忍吗？
is this cruel?
我妈妈为了这件事和她的姐妹有点不愉快。
或许在医院工作的人和别人的想法是不一样的吧！
my mom and her sisters was not so happy because of this different opinion.
maybe people that works in medical field think differently like others.
要是到最后人会死，那又为何要活在这个世界上？
if human will die at last, then what's the point to live in this world.
前几天别送进医院紧急病房，昨天还一度停止心跳。
i went to see my grandpa right after i reach my home yesterday.
a few day before, he was admit into ICU, and his heart was stop once yesterday.
外公之前是好好的。
我不明白为什么外公家那里的人要把他送进院。
有时他会不想吃。
但是要是有点耐心坐在他身边说说话，他会要吃的。
他的年龄都那么大了，九十多岁。
他并不是生什么病，而是老人病。
根本就不需要送进医院。
反而害到他全身是伤。
为了验血、抽血等，令到他的手臂都黑青了。
my grandpa is all right before this.
i don't understand why people in the house want to send him to the hospital.
some times he refuse to eat.
but if you are patient enough to sit beside him and talk to him, he will eat.
he already so old, 90 something.
he didn't ill, just some old people sickness.
don't really need to send in hospital.
that only make bruise to him.
because of blood test and some other test, already made his arm blue-black.
要是他的时间到了，我们要做什么都不行。
不是说残忍或没良心。
要是那样让我的外公受苦，不如让他一走了之不是更好吗？
减少他的痛苦，让他在他最后的人生好好过。
if his time is arrived, we can't do anything.
not say that i am cruel or heartless.
letting my grandpa suffer, why not just let him go?
reduce his suffering, let his leftover life be peaceful.
这样算残忍吗？
is this cruel?
我妈妈为了这件事和她的姐妹有点不愉快。
或许在医院工作的人和别人的想法是不一样的吧！
my mom and her sisters was not so happy because of this different opinion.
maybe people that works in medical field think differently like others.
要是到最后人会死，那又为何要活在这个世界上？
if human will die at last, then what's the point to live in this world.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
回到赛城... 。Back to Cyberjaya…
我知道我已经很久没有更新我的部落格了。
放假一个星期很快就过去了。
我还没来得及享受我的假期，又要回到沉闷的赛城。
I know that I have not been updating my blog for quite a long time.
A week of holiday passes so fast.
I not yet enjoy my holiday and I need to go back to Cyberjaya.
放假的前几天和朋友出去走走，过后就一整天在家。
开斋节的那几天都在我爸的诊疗所帮忙。
他的马来工人都放假了，放了四天，我就做了四天。
从星期三到星期六，四天。
剩下星期天那么半天。
每个星期天都过得特别的快。
I went out with my friend and stay at home for the first few days of holiday.
That few days of raya I work for my dad in his clinic.
His malay workers all go for Raya holiday, they holiday for 4 days, and I need to work for 4 days too.
From Wednesday to Saturday.
Left Sunday one last day.
Every Sunday will specially passed very fast.
回去赛城的路上，心里很挣扎。
不知道为什么现在我特别不喜欢回到赛城。
以前的我都不会那么的反抗。
这边的生活太沉闷了。
我并不是很喜欢现在的一切。
Way back to Cyberjaya, I don’t feel really good.
I can’t understand why I don’t like to go back to Cyberjaya anymore.
Last time I don’t have such feeling.
The life over here is too bored.
I don’t really like everything over here anymore.
我想要我的生活很精彩，可是我创造不出我想要的。
I want my life to be very interesting, but I just can’t create as what I want.
放假一个星期很快就过去了。
我还没来得及享受我的假期，又要回到沉闷的赛城。
I know that I have not been updating my blog for quite a long time.
A week of holiday passes so fast.
I not yet enjoy my holiday and I need to go back to Cyberjaya.
放假的前几天和朋友出去走走，过后就一整天在家。
开斋节的那几天都在我爸的诊疗所帮忙。
他的马来工人都放假了，放了四天，我就做了四天。
从星期三到星期六，四天。
剩下星期天那么半天。
每个星期天都过得特别的快。
I went out with my friend and stay at home for the first few days of holiday.
That few days of raya I work for my dad in his clinic.
His malay workers all go for Raya holiday, they holiday for 4 days, and I need to work for 4 days too.
From Wednesday to Saturday.
Left Sunday one last day.
Every Sunday will specially passed very fast.
回去赛城的路上，心里很挣扎。
不知道为什么现在我特别不喜欢回到赛城。
以前的我都不会那么的反抗。
这边的生活太沉闷了。
我并不是很喜欢现在的一切。
Way back to Cyberjaya, I don’t feel really good.
I can’t understand why I don’t like to go back to Cyberjaya anymore.
Last time I don’t have such feeling.
The life over here is too bored.
I don’t really like everything over here anymore.
我想要我的生活很精彩，可是我创造不出我想要的。
I want my life to be very interesting, but I just can’t create as what I want.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
F 先生。 Mr. F
9月23日，凌晨12点33分
我收到F简讯。
i receive a message from F.
他说：
你知不知到蜜蜂的希腊名称是什么？
我正在做有关传统医学的资料。
可能你可以帮到我的忙。
有什么意见吗？
he says:
hey, do you know what is the greek word for honey-bee?
i'm kinda doing some research for alternative medicine.
thought i cound use sum of your help a bit.
any idea?
我回复：
我不太清楚勒！
可是我知道有人用蜜蜂以毒攻毒来治疗一些病痛。
i reply:
i am not very sure about it.
but i know that there are some people that use the poison of honey bee to cure poison.
他回复：
哦，真的吗？以毒攻毒...还真有趣。
我可以放进我的表演稿里。
我有听说过蜜糖在某个化学作用可以让人感到美好。
虽然很荒谬，可是那是真的哦！
你有没有听说过？
he reply:
oh, really?
antidote for poison... that interesting...
i can put that in slide.
have u heard ppl claim that honey can makes u feel good due to a chemical...
it sounds ridiculous.. bt could be true. ever heard of it b4?
我回复：
你当我是你的网上搜寻吗？
好像我一定会懂似的。哈哈！
真的吗？我不太清楚哦！
我也听说过要是烫伤时马上涂上蜜糖可以减轻烫伤的疼痛，也可以预防留下疤痕。
i reply:
you think that i am your internet? hahaha...
i never heard that before.
but i also heard before that if you get burn one might help to cure the pain and won't leave scare on your skin
他回复：
这就是我形容你的方式，我的朋友。
你在我们的友情上不曾留下疤痕。
你是个值得收藏无价的朋友。
蜜蜂在希腊是叫“Melissa”。
he reply:
hat's how i can describe abt you my friend.
you leave no scar in a friendship.
Ure an invaluable friend to keep for.
honey bee in greek means 'Melissa':)
我回复：
对！哈哈哈！
我怎么忘了呢！是我的名字没错。
你替醒了我。哈哈哈！
我曾经在网上查过，在foundation的时候。
可是我竟然忘记了。哈哈！
你真的在做research吗？
i reply:
ya! hahaha... how can i forget it.
it is my name. you remind me. hahaha
i search in the internet before in foundation but i forgotten it. hahaha
are you really doing research?
he reply:
haha... so u've known it already.
thats great...
not evrybody does really know what ppl actually call them.
you're excluded i guess. congratulations.
hehe did i really doing research?
hm, what do you think?
我回复：
你不是在考试吗？
我还以为你们这个星期有年中学期考试。
i reply: i thought you are having mid sem exam this week...
他回复：
是的！这正个星期是中学期考试啊！
非常重要的！
我需要继续复习了！下次再聊！
嘻嘻嘻！
he reply:
yes its mid sem week 4 d whole pharmacy big time.
hey. i need to get to my revision. ttyl ya.
hehehe..
我回复：
非常厉害！休息一阵子充充电再继续复习。
祝你好运！享受你的复习。呵呵！
保重！
i reply:
very clever of you. get enough rest then start your engine again.
good luck for your exam. enjoy your study. haha
get enough rest.
他回复：
你也是！嘻嘻嘻！
he reply:
you too... hehehe...
要是这个世界只有那么一个种类人那该有多好啊！
how good if this world only have one kind of human!
我收到F简讯。
i receive a message from F.
他说：
你知不知到蜜蜂的希腊名称是什么？
我正在做有关传统医学的资料。
可能你可以帮到我的忙。
有什么意见吗？
he says:
hey, do you know what is the greek word for honey-bee?
i'm kinda doing some research for alternative medicine.
thought i cound use sum of your help a bit.
any idea?
我回复：
我不太清楚勒！
可是我知道有人用蜜蜂以毒攻毒来治疗一些病痛。
i reply:
i am not very sure about it.
but i know that there are some people that use the poison of honey bee to cure poison.
他回复：
哦，真的吗？以毒攻毒...还真有趣。
我可以放进我的表演稿里。
我有听说过蜜糖在某个化学作用可以让人感到美好。
虽然很荒谬，可是那是真的哦！
你有没有听说过？
he reply:
oh, really?
antidote for poison... that interesting...
i can put that in slide.
have u heard ppl claim that honey can makes u feel good due to a chemical...
it sounds ridiculous.. bt could be true. ever heard of it b4?
我回复：
你当我是你的网上搜寻吗？
好像我一定会懂似的。哈哈！
真的吗？我不太清楚哦！
我也听说过要是烫伤时马上涂上蜜糖可以减轻烫伤的疼痛，也可以预防留下疤痕。
i reply:
you think that i am your internet? hahaha...
i never heard that before.
but i also heard before that if you get burn one might help to cure the pain and won't leave scare on your skin
他回复：
这就是我形容你的方式，我的朋友。
你在我们的友情上不曾留下疤痕。
你是个值得收藏无价的朋友。
蜜蜂在希腊是叫“Melissa”。
he reply:
hat's how i can describe abt you my friend.
you leave no scar in a friendship.
Ure an invaluable friend to keep for.
honey bee in greek means 'Melissa':)
我回复：
对！哈哈哈！
我怎么忘了呢！是我的名字没错。
你替醒了我。哈哈哈！
我曾经在网上查过，在foundation的时候。
可是我竟然忘记了。哈哈！
你真的在做research吗？
i reply:
ya! hahaha... how can i forget it.
it is my name. you remind me. hahaha
i search in the internet before in foundation but i forgotten it. hahaha
are you really doing research?
他回复：
哈哈！那你早就知道了。
非常棒！
不是每个人都知道别人称呼他什么。
我想你是例外吧！
恭喜你！
我真的在做research吗？
Hmm...你觉得呢?哈哈！那你早就知道了。
非常棒！
不是每个人都知道别人称呼他什么。
我想你是例外吧！
恭喜你！
我真的在做research吗？
he reply:
haha... so u've known it already.
thats great...
not evrybody does really know what ppl actually call them.
you're excluded i guess. congratulations.
hehe did i really doing research?
hm, what do you think?
我回复：
你不是在考试吗？
我还以为你们这个星期有年中学期考试。
i reply: i thought you are having mid sem exam this week...
他回复：
是的！这正个星期是中学期考试啊！
非常重要的！
我需要继续复习了！下次再聊！
嘻嘻嘻！
he reply:
yes its mid sem week 4 d whole pharmacy big time.
hey. i need to get to my revision. ttyl ya.
hehehe..
我回复：
非常厉害！休息一阵子充充电再继续复习。
祝你好运！享受你的复习。呵呵！
保重！
i reply:
very clever of you. get enough rest then start your engine again.
good luck for your exam. enjoy your study. haha
get enough rest.
他回复：
你也是！嘻嘻嘻！
he reply:
you too... hehehe...
要是这个世界只有那么一个种类人那该有多好啊！
how good if this world only have one kind of human!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
稻香
稻香
词：周杰伦 曲：周杰伦
对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
为什麼人要这麼的脆弱 堕落
请你打开电视看看
多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我们是不是该知足
珍惜一切 就算没有拥有
还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随著稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑 乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧 回到最初的美好
不要这麼容易就想放弃 就像我说的
追不到的梦想 换个梦不就得了
为自己的人生鲜艳上色 先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
笑一个吧 功成名就不是目的
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
童年的纸飞机 现在终於飞回我手里
所谓的那快乐 赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了 谁在偷笑呢
我靠著稻草人吹著风唱著歌睡著了
哦 哦 午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
哦 哦 阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切 就算没有拥有
还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随著稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑 乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧 回到最初的美好
听到了周杰伦的新歌
很感动
没想到当我最需要推动力时
这一首歌给了我很大很大的鼓励
词：周杰伦 曲：周杰伦
对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
为什麼人要这麼的脆弱 堕落
请你打开电视看看
多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
我们是不是该知足
珍惜一切 就算没有拥有
还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随著稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑 乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧 回到最初的美好
不要这麼容易就想放弃 就像我说的
追不到的梦想 换个梦不就得了
为自己的人生鲜艳上色 先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
笑一个吧 功成名就不是目的
让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
童年的纸飞机 现在终於飞回我手里
所谓的那快乐 赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了 谁在偷笑呢
我靠著稻草人吹著风唱著歌睡著了
哦 哦 午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
哦 哦 阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
珍惜一切 就算没有拥有
还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随著稻香河流继续奔跑
微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑 乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
回家吧 回到最初的美好
听到了周杰伦的新歌
很感动
没想到当我最需要推动力时
这一首歌给了我很大很大的鼓励
这首歌主要的是要告诉大家一个很简单
也很容易被遗忘的道理
那就是知足
我们每天打开电视看到很多人都在为生命
努力勇敢地走下去
我们是不是更应该知足
更珍惜眼前的一切
生日惊喜 。surprising birthday
虽然我的生日过了有点久了，可是我还没写我朋友给我的生日惊喜。
我从来都没想过我的朋友会给我一个生日惊喜。
但是我也渴望这个惊喜好久了。
每次在为别的朋友制造惊喜时，也希望自己的朋友也可以给我一个惊喜。
even though my birthday had passed quite long, but i still haven't write about the surprise
that my friends gave me.
i never thought that my friends would give me a birthday surprise.
but i also hope for it for very long time.
everytime preparing for other friend's surprise birthday, i also hope that one day my friend
s will be able to give me one.
我生日当天傍晚就回到赛城，毕竟第二天有上课。
回去后我就到敏的家去找Vu帮我修理我的手提电脑。
在那里也呆了蛮久的。
他们想要出去吃晚餐，当然邀我一起去。
我吃饱了不想去。
i went back to Cyberjaya that evening of my birthday, because i have class the next day.
after i reach there i went to Mei's house to find Vu help me to reformat my laptop.
i was there for quite some times.
then they wanted to go out for dinner, they also invited me.
i had my dinner so i don't want to go.
扬说：一起去吃吧！
我说：我吃饱了。
扬说：去喝喝茶也好。
Ryan:go with us la!
me:i am full.
Ryan:go have some drinks la.
就这样我跟Vu、扬和美珍一起去吃晚餐。
敏还在她的家，还没回来。
then, i followed vu.ryan and amanda to dinner.
Mei still at her house, not yet come back to Cyberjaya.
晚餐后我就回我的家。
一直到十一点多时，Vu打电话给我叫我出来拿我的hard disc。
after dinner i went back to my house.
until 11 something, Vu phoned me ans ask me go out my house to take my hard disc.
Vu:come out and take your hard disc.
me:you don't know where's my house?
Vu:ya...come out and take it.
me:you knew my house la... you came here before...same as last time that house.
Vu:you come out la.....
就这样我就走出去我的家，看到Vu，我便走过去。
突然，柱子后面冒出生日歌。
原来是敏、珍还有扬在那里。
敏手上还拿着一个点着蜡烛的蛋糕。
哈哈哈！
我当时不知道怎样反应，一直笑而已。
我真正的感受到惊喜的感觉。呵呵！
so i walk out my house, was Vu then i walk towards him.
suddenly, there were 'Happy Birthday' song came out from behind of the
it's Mei, Amanda and Ryan.
Mei was holding a cake with candles on her hands.
hahaha !
i don't know how should i react that time, just keep on laughing.
i really had the feeling of 'surprise'.haha!
my cake
当时的时间是11点59分了。
我说我的生日都要过了才庆祝。
他们说这样才特别，我才会记得那一次的生日。
那一群越难朋友也来了，虽然他们有点慢。
（因为他们特别洗个澡，打扮好好才来的）
that time was about 11.59pm.
my birthday going to over only they want to celebrate with me, i says.
they say, this is more special then usual, then only i will remember that day.
my Vietnam friend's also came, although they were quite slow.
(they even took a shower and look neat)
i like my hair!! hahaha
我非常非常感激这一群朋友。
i really appreciate this group of my friends.
little present from Mya.
我从来都没想过我的朋友会给我一个生日惊喜。
但是我也渴望这个惊喜好久了。
每次在为别的朋友制造惊喜时，也希望自己的朋友也可以给我一个惊喜。
even though my birthday had passed quite long, but i still haven't write about the surprise
that my friends gave me.
i never thought that my friends would give me a birthday surprise.
but i also hope for it for very long time.
everytime preparing for other friend's surprise birthday, i also hope that one day my friend
s will be able to give me one.
我生日当天傍晚就回到赛城，毕竟第二天有上课。
回去后我就到敏的家去找Vu帮我修理我的手提电脑。
在那里也呆了蛮久的。
他们想要出去吃晚餐，当然邀我一起去。
我吃饱了不想去。
i went back to Cyberjaya that evening of my birthday, because i have class the next day.
after i reach there i went to Mei's house to find Vu help me to reformat my laptop.
i was there for quite some times.
then they wanted to go out for dinner, they also invited me.
i had my dinner so i don't want to go.
扬说：一起去吃吧！
我说：我吃饱了。
扬说：去喝喝茶也好。
Ryan:go with us la!
me:i am full.
Ryan:go have some drinks la.
就这样我跟Vu、扬和美珍一起去吃晚餐。
敏还在她的家，还没回来。
then, i followed vu.ryan and amanda to dinner.
Mei still at her house, not yet come back to Cyberjaya.
晚餐后我就回我的家。
一直到十一点多时，Vu打电话给我叫我出来拿我的hard disc。
after dinner i went back to my house.
until 11 something, Vu phoned me ans ask me go out my house to take my hard disc.
Vu:come out and take your hard disc.
me:you don't know where's my house?
Vu:ya...come out and take it.
me:you knew my house la... you came here before...same as last time that house.
Vu:you come out la.....
就这样我就走出去我的家，看到Vu，我便走过去。
突然，柱子后面冒出生日歌。
原来是敏、珍还有扬在那里。
敏手上还拿着一个点着蜡烛的蛋糕。
哈哈哈！
我当时不知道怎样反应，一直笑而已。
我真正的感受到惊喜的感觉。呵呵！
so i walk out my house, was Vu then i walk towards him.
suddenly, there were 'Happy Birthday' song came out from behind of the
it's Mei, Amanda and Ryan.
Mei was holding a cake with candles on her hands.
hahaha !
i don't know how should i react that time, just keep on laughing.
i really had the feeling of 'surprise'.haha!
my cake
当时的时间是11点59分了。
我说我的生日都要过了才庆祝。
他们说这样才特别，我才会记得那一次的生日。
那一群越难朋友也来了，虽然他们有点慢。
（因为他们特别洗个澡，打扮好好才来的）
that time was about 11.59pm.
my birthday going to over only they want to celebrate with me, i says.
they say, this is more special then usual, then only i will remember that day.
my Vietnam friend's also came, although they were quite slow.
(they even took a shower and look neat)
i like my hair!! hahaha
我非常非常感激这一群朋友。
i really appreciate this group of my friends.
little present from Mya.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
想念我的小孩 。miss my kids
我终于完成了我一直想要做的事。
at last, i had done what i wished.
今天我回到Malim那里的幼儿园，见了那些我想念已久的小孩。 依然是那几个很熟悉的脸孔。 我预算好时间，刚刚好在他们睡午觉后去找他们。
today i went to Malim's kindergarten, and meet all the kids that i miss so much. their faces are still so familier. i planned my time, and i reach there right after their nap.
我的一个看到的是Mah Wei Jun。 他应该是刚刚睡醒，还迷迷糊糊的。 他看到我时好像有点惊讶。 我问他：你知不知到我是谁？ 他只看着我，没有回答我的问题。 但是我心里想着：这些小孩都忘了我吗？
the first child i saw was Mah Wei Jun. i think he just woke up, look so blur. he looks surprise when he saw me came. i asked him: do you know who am I? he just stare at me. didn't answer my question. in heart i thought: are all these kids already forgotten me?
Mah Wei Jun
Joslyn Teh,Yee Shin, Noelle都在做功课。 他们像是记得我，可是却忘了我。 看得出，Joslyn很用力的想我是谁。
Joslyn Teh, Yee Shin Noelle was doing their homework. they seem like remember me, but at the same time forgotten me. i can saw that Joslyn is trying very hard to remember who am I.
Ye Shin
和那里的院长还有舒玲aunty聊聊天，我也买了一些小吃给她们。 aunty过后就进去房里把剩余那些还没睡醒的小孩起身。
talk a while with the Headmaster and also Aunty ShuLin, and i bought some snack for them. anuty then went into the room to wake up the kids that not yet wake up from their nap.
Yao and Joslyn
突然，Mah Wei Jun就走到房门外说：Teacher Melissa！ 他记得我！我心里呐喊着。 当时很感动，因为有一个学生竟然还记得我的名字。 那时其它的学生也跑过来教我。
then suddenly, Mah Wei Jun came to the door and called: Teacher Melissa! he still remember me! i shout inside my heart. i am so touched, because at least there are still a student remember me. then other kids also came and call me.
Kwei Xuan看到我是就耍脾气，她还是像以前那样的霸道。 Henry公主却因为不够睡而脸嘟嘟。 阿耀还是那么会说话。 子强依然那么会吃。
Kwei Xuan was having bad mood, still as ego as before. Henry having bad mood because he was waked up from his nap. Yao still talk as much as last time. Qiang was still eat as much as last time.
Henry
Kwei Xuan刚开始时根本就不想接近我。 经过一段时间的哄哄骗骗她才肯让我抱她。 她也记得我。 当我问她：你知道我是谁吗？ 她会说：Teacher Melissa。
Kwei Xuan refuse to come near me at first. after a while only she let me carry her. she still remember me. i asked her: do you know who am I? she called: Teacher Melissa.
Kwei Xuan
舒玲aunty说，小孩子要是久了没见面就会感到生疏的。
aunty ShuLin says, the children will feel you are stranger if we lost contact for quite some time.
虽然生疏了点，这一群小孩还记得我。 还会叫我，还会跟我说很多很多的话。
even thought there was already a gap, but these kids still remember me. they still call me, and also talk a lot with me.
那里换了院长，换了老师，换了教育方式。 以前是没有藤鞭的，可是今天我发现到院长的桌子上有藤鞭。 那个aunty也一直恐吓他们，尤其是Mah Wei Jun。 也许他们现在的环境并没有我想向中的那么差。 尽管如此我也无能为力。 真的希望那些小孩过得顺顺利利的。
changes of headmaster, changes of teachers, changes of education style. there was no cane in the past, but today i was a cane on the headmaster's table. aunty also keep on scaring them, especially towards mah Wei Jun. maybe their situation is not as bad as i thought. if really were, I can't do anything too. just hope that the kids there will live happily.
Kwei Xuan给我哄后就让我抱，做功课时也坐着我的腿上。 当时的感觉很好很好。 我在那里逗留的时间也满长的。 只需要看着那些小孩，我就很满足。
Kwei Xuan let me carry her, and she sits on my lap when she doing her homework. that feeling was really great. i was there for quite a long time. i feel satisfied just looking at the kids.
直到我要离开前，我告诉Kwei Xuan：我现在要回家了，改天才来看你，好不好？ 她点点头，然后说：Teacher Melissa，你明天来看我啊？ 我听到她那样回答我，我的情绪就快要控制不住了。 我再不离开那个地方，也许我会忍不住掉眼泪 我回答她：嗯...
until before i leave, i tell Kwei Xuan: i want to go back now, i come to see you another day , ok? she noded her head, then she says: Teacher Melissa, you tomorrow will come and see me again? when i heard what she says, i nearly can't hold my emotion, if I don't leave that place immedialy, i might not be able to hold my tears. i answered her: emm...
他们就是那么的天真。
他们就是那么的单纯。
they are so naive.
they are so pure.
我已经开始想念他们了......
i already start to miss them......
19/08/09
at last, i had done what i wished.
今天我回到Malim那里的幼儿园，见了那些我想念已久的小孩。 依然是那几个很熟悉的脸孔。 我预算好时间，刚刚好在他们睡午觉后去找他们。
today i went to Malim's kindergarten, and meet all the kids that i miss so much. their faces are still so familier. i planned my time, and i reach there right after their nap.
我的一个看到的是Mah Wei Jun。 他应该是刚刚睡醒，还迷迷糊糊的。 他看到我时好像有点惊讶。 我问他：你知不知到我是谁？ 他只看着我，没有回答我的问题。 但是我心里想着：这些小孩都忘了我吗？
the first child i saw was Mah Wei Jun. i think he just woke up, look so blur. he looks surprise when he saw me came. i asked him: do you know who am I? he just stare at me. didn't answer my question. in heart i thought: are all these kids already forgotten me?
Mah Wei Jun
Joslyn Teh,Yee Shin, Noelle都在做功课。 他们像是记得我，可是却忘了我。 看得出，Joslyn很用力的想我是谁。
Joslyn Teh, Yee Shin Noelle was doing their homework. they seem like remember me, but at the same time forgotten me. i can saw that Joslyn is trying very hard to remember who am I.
Ye Shin
和那里的院长还有舒玲aunty聊聊天，我也买了一些小吃给她们。 aunty过后就进去房里把剩余那些还没睡醒的小孩起身。
talk a while with the Headmaster and also Aunty ShuLin, and i bought some snack for them. anuty then went into the room to wake up the kids that not yet wake up from their nap.
Yao and Joslyn
突然，Mah Wei Jun就走到房门外说：Teacher Melissa！ 他记得我！我心里呐喊着。 当时很感动，因为有一个学生竟然还记得我的名字。 那时其它的学生也跑过来教我。
then suddenly, Mah Wei Jun came to the door and called: Teacher Melissa! he still remember me! i shout inside my heart. i am so touched, because at least there are still a student remember me. then other kids also came and call me.
Kwei Xuan看到我是就耍脾气，她还是像以前那样的霸道。 Henry公主却因为不够睡而脸嘟嘟。 阿耀还是那么会说话。 子强依然那么会吃。
Kwei Xuan was having bad mood, still as ego as before. Henry having bad mood because he was waked up from his nap. Yao still talk as much as last time. Qiang was still eat as much as last time.
Henry
Kwei Xuan刚开始时根本就不想接近我。 经过一段时间的哄哄骗骗她才肯让我抱她。 她也记得我。 当我问她：你知道我是谁吗？ 她会说：Teacher Melissa。
Kwei Xuan refuse to come near me at first. after a while only she let me carry her. she still remember me. i asked her: do you know who am I? she called: Teacher Melissa.
Kwei Xuan
舒玲aunty说，小孩子要是久了没见面就会感到生疏的。
aunty ShuLin says, the children will feel you are stranger if we lost contact for quite some time.
虽然生疏了点，这一群小孩还记得我。 还会叫我，还会跟我说很多很多的话。
even thought there was already a gap, but these kids still remember me. they still call me, and also talk a lot with me.
那里换了院长，换了老师，换了教育方式。 以前是没有藤鞭的，可是今天我发现到院长的桌子上有藤鞭。 那个aunty也一直恐吓他们，尤其是Mah Wei Jun。 也许他们现在的环境并没有我想向中的那么差。 尽管如此我也无能为力。 真的希望那些小孩过得顺顺利利的。
changes of headmaster, changes of teachers, changes of education style. there was no cane in the past, but today i was a cane on the headmaster's table. aunty also keep on scaring them, especially towards mah Wei Jun. maybe their situation is not as bad as i thought. if really were, I can't do anything too. just hope that the kids there will live happily.
Kwei Xuan给我哄后就让我抱，做功课时也坐着我的腿上。 当时的感觉很好很好。 我在那里逗留的时间也满长的。 只需要看着那些小孩，我就很满足。
Kwei Xuan let me carry her, and she sits on my lap when she doing her homework. that feeling was really great. i was there for quite a long time. i feel satisfied just looking at the kids.
直到我要离开前，我告诉Kwei Xuan：我现在要回家了，改天才来看你，好不好？ 她点点头，然后说：Teacher Melissa，你明天来看我啊？ 我听到她那样回答我，我的情绪就快要控制不住了。 我再不离开那个地方，也许我会忍不住掉眼泪 我回答她：嗯...
until before i leave, i tell Kwei Xuan: i want to go back now, i come to see you another day , ok? she noded her head, then she says: Teacher Melissa, you tomorrow will come and see me again? when i heard what she says, i nearly can't hold my emotion, if I don't leave that place immedialy, i might not be able to hold my tears. i answered her: emm...
他们就是那么的天真。
他们就是那么的单纯。
they are so naive.
they are so pure.
我已经开始想念他们了......
i already start to miss them......
19/08/09
Saturday, September 13, 2008
my kids
watched 'The Mist' just now... which was a damn stupid movie.
the story was quite good but the ending is so brainless.
the stupidest movie that i've seen.
even the horror movie 'sick nurses' was better then that even thought the supernatural thing was so fake.
i didn't go back to malacca this week... basically no reason at all.
just whenever i feel going back or the other way round i can do whatever i want.
last Friday i had final exam for my Anatomy paper.
i don't think i did well.
the result is not out yet... might be out a month later.
now i am entering 'behavioural sciences' block, something like psychology.
basically we studying about human behave and their minds.
from infant until old age.
it was not as interesting as what i thought.
i thought that maybe we will be studying about some cases of mental problems.
but what we study is the theory and some definitions.
most of it don't have a fix answer and this make my assignment lots of trouble.
and i also don't know what i should study.
the lecturer also didn't give any notes to us.
one of the topic was 'psychology development during childhood, adolescence and adulthood'.
the childhood part makes me think about my kindergarten kids.
i just miss them so damn much.
until i can't describe how much i miss them.
all of the kids faces appear one by one in my mind.
what's in the notes about their behavior was totally same as what i experience when i working in kindergarten.
that only make me miss them more.
i tell myself that i will go and visit them some day when i having holidays.
but i am so scare that i will be disappointed.
i just miss them so much.
the story was quite good but the ending is so brainless.
the stupidest movie that i've seen.
even the horror movie 'sick nurses' was better then that even thought the supernatural thing was so fake.
i didn't go back to malacca this week... basically no reason at all.
just whenever i feel going back or the other way round i can do whatever i want.
last Friday i had final exam for my Anatomy paper.
i don't think i did well.
the result is not out yet... might be out a month later.
now i am entering 'behavioural sciences' block, something like psychology.
basically we studying about human behave and their minds.
from infant until old age.
it was not as interesting as what i thought.
i thought that maybe we will be studying about some cases of mental problems.
but what we study is the theory and some definitions.
most of it don't have a fix answer and this make my assignment lots of trouble.
and i also don't know what i should study.
the lecturer also didn't give any notes to us.
one of the topic was 'psychology development during childhood, adolescence and adulthood'.
the childhood part makes me think about my kindergarten kids.
i just miss them so damn much.
until i can't describe how much i miss them.
all of the kids faces appear one by one in my mind.
what's in the notes about their behavior was totally same as what i experience when i working in kindergarten.
that only make me miss them more.
i tell myself that i will go and visit them some day when i having holidays.
but i am so scare that i will be disappointed.
i just miss them so much.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
祝我生日快乐！happy birthday to me!
谢谢这些祝福我的朋友。
Thank you very much for all the friends that wished me.
第一个当然是Jeslyn，她是第一个找我的人，然后约我出去看电影。送她回家之前意外惊喜还送我礼物！还写‘情信’给我。
The very first one surely will be Jesln, she is the first one to find me and asked me out for movies. Then surprisingly give a present. Even wrote a ‘love letter’ for me.
然后是aaron。死鬼王八蛋骗我说他很累要睡觉了。可是午夜12点后突然sms我祝福我。
Then it’s aaron. This stupid guy bluffs me he was sooo tired and wanted to sleep. But then sms me on 12 midnight wish me.
就想不到的是辉，一个网上朋友。很久都没有和他聊天了，他还会记得我的生日。
The unexpected hui, a online friend. I didn’t chat with him for a very long time, but he still remembers my birthday.
Zenkio，一个香港朋友，也是在网上聊天祝福我。
Zenkio a Hong Kong online friend also wished me.
Py也sms我，写了很特别的词汇祝福我。一看就知道是她，总喜欢写那些形容词。
Py sms me, used a special words to wish me. I knew it was her when I read that message. She likes to use all those words.
可欣，很好很久的朋友。还说下次放假时要找我去逛街。
“喂！我上一年生日的礼物你买了却一直忘义给我！什么意思嘛！”哈哈哈！！
Ko Shin, a very goo old friend. She says she will ask me for shopping when she having holidays.
“hey! My last year present that you’ve bought when only wants to give me?” haha…
Cindy叫我不要那么压力。只要做好自己的本分就要。相比她是从我的部落格看到我那么压力吧！我会很好的！
Cindy asked me not to give too much pressure for myself, just did my best. I think she read my blog and found that I am so stress up.
凯萱也不曾忘记我的生日。认识她很久，可是小学开始都没有见过面了。真得很感动。
Xuan, which never fail to forget my birthday. I knew her quite long, but we never meet after primary school. It’s so touched.
就连再旸都会祝福我。可能我们去越南后比较好吧！我以前觉得他很鸟，去越南后反而觉得还好了。哈哈！
Even zaiyang wished me. Maybe after we went Vietnam together we were closer. Last time I use to feel that he is very cold, after Vietnam trip I will he become better. Haha…
Vu和Jindo在半夜sms祝福我。当时我睡着了，今早才看到的。
Vu and Jindo sms me middle of the night. I was asleep that time, and I saw It this morning.
Vicky也不忘祝福我。希望她可以早日解决她的问题。
Vicky wished me. Hopefully she can overcome her problem.
秀贞竟然说要我快点找到我另一半，她才会放心。好像我不会照顾自己似的。
Chin asked me to faster find my life partner, so that she will feel better. As if I can’t take care myself… haha
而在我学院的朋友mady和amal，刚刚认识的朋友也祝福我。
My college, mady and amal wished me, which I knew them not long before.
我差一点忘了一个打电话给我祝福我的朋友，Alex。我们算认识很久了，却没想到他会打电话给我，还以为sms就好了啊！他打来说了很多的废话。哈哈哈！算了。反正是我的‘特别的日子’，爽一下不会死的。
他问今天特别吗？说了很多废话我才说‘对我当然是特别了！’。
他说：听到我的笑声就可以了啦！表示我没问题。（考试前一天我找他聊聊因为太压力了）
I nearly forget a friend who phoned me and wished me, Alex. We knew each other for the a very long time, didn’t thought that he will phone me, maybe sms that’s all. He phone and we talk nonsense. Haha… it’s my birthday, so it’s my special day. Let me happy a while will not make any differences.
He asked it today a special day? After a lot of nonsense I answered ‘it’s surely a special day for me’.
He says: I heard you laugh then I know you are fine. (I find him a day before I exam, cause I was so stress)
还有我妹妹，还会问我要什么可以买给我。
And me sis, she even asked me what I want then she will buy for me.
前一晚和家人去吃晚餐，今早我干妈带我去吃点心。就上次那么一次我买蛋糕给她，她就那么的报答我。还硬硬塞我一百块和朋友庆祝。我妈妈都没这么做啊！呵呵！
The night before me and my family went out for dinner, then this morning my godmother bring me for dim sum. Last time her birthday I just did a very small thing, I wished her and bought a cake for her and this she replied me with so much things. She even gave me RM100 for me to spend and celebrate with my friends. Even my mom didn’t do such things. Haha..
截稿为止就这些人祝福我。应该没漏掉谁吧！
迟些祝福的朋友迟些再写。
反正我也不会计较这一切。
祝福我的朋友当然非常感动，非常感激。
那些忘了的，也不要紧。
因为以上很多很多朋友的生日我也忘记掉。
过了很久很久才会想起来。
所以我明白那些人的苦衷。
Until now these are all the people that wished me. I guess I didn’t missed anyone.
People that wish me later will post up here later.
I never mind all these things.
Of course my friends that wished me I feel so touched and thankful.
But those which forgot, never feel sorry.
Because most of the friend that wished me, I tend to forget their birthday too.
Until it passed for a very long time only I recall back.
So I understand their reason.
今年没有蛋糕，反而是我自己做给自己。很好笑吧！那蛋糕就和上次的一样！
This year no cake for me, I made one for myself. That’s funny! It was the cake I bake last time.
对自己的祝福：
你要好好学会处理压力，不要心理那么的不平衡。
不要一直拿自己和别人比较，怎么比都比不完的。
世界是不公平的，可是你自己可以让一切变得公平点的。
要常常记得，自己很幸运。
来到这个世界上，并不是每个人都可以有的机会。
不要对自己要求那么高。
全力以赴做好一切就行。
最重要的是要开开心心。
除了在这么重要的这一天开心，每一天都要开开心心的。
To myself:
You have to learn how to manage your stress, don’t be so unbalance.
Don’t keep on compare yourself with other people, never finishing compare each other.
This world is not fair, but you may make it a little fair.
Always remember that you are a lucky person.
Not everyone has the chance to come to this world.
Don’t ask so much from yourself.
Just tried your best and that’s the best.
The most important is be happy.
Not only on this special day but everyday!
Thank you very much for all the friends that wished me.
第一个当然是Jeslyn，她是第一个找我的人，然后约我出去看电影。送她回家之前意外惊喜还送我礼物！还写‘情信’给我。
The very first one surely will be Jesln, she is the first one to find me and asked me out for movies. Then surprisingly give a present. Even wrote a ‘love letter’ for me.
然后是aaron。死鬼王八蛋骗我说他很累要睡觉了。可是午夜12点后突然sms我祝福我。
Then it’s aaron. This stupid guy bluffs me he was sooo tired and wanted to sleep. But then sms me on 12 midnight wish me.
就想不到的是辉，一个网上朋友。很久都没有和他聊天了，他还会记得我的生日。
The unexpected hui, a online friend. I didn’t chat with him for a very long time, but he still remembers my birthday.
Zenkio，一个香港朋友，也是在网上聊天祝福我。
Zenkio a Hong Kong online friend also wished me.
Py也sms我，写了很特别的词汇祝福我。一看就知道是她，总喜欢写那些形容词。
Py sms me, used a special words to wish me. I knew it was her when I read that message. She likes to use all those words.
可欣，很好很久的朋友。还说下次放假时要找我去逛街。
“喂！我上一年生日的礼物你买了却一直忘义给我！什么意思嘛！”哈哈哈！！
Ko Shin, a very goo old friend. She says she will ask me for shopping when she having holidays.
“hey! My last year present that you’ve bought when only wants to give me?” haha…
Cindy叫我不要那么压力。只要做好自己的本分就要。相比她是从我的部落格看到我那么压力吧！我会很好的！
Cindy asked me not to give too much pressure for myself, just did my best. I think she read my blog and found that I am so stress up.
凯萱也不曾忘记我的生日。认识她很久，可是小学开始都没有见过面了。真得很感动。
Xuan, which never fail to forget my birthday. I knew her quite long, but we never meet after primary school. It’s so touched.
就连再旸都会祝福我。可能我们去越南后比较好吧！我以前觉得他很鸟，去越南后反而觉得还好了。哈哈！
Even zaiyang wished me. Maybe after we went Vietnam together we were closer. Last time I use to feel that he is very cold, after Vietnam trip I will he become better. Haha…
Vu和Jindo在半夜sms祝福我。当时我睡着了，今早才看到的。
Vu and Jindo sms me middle of the night. I was asleep that time, and I saw It this morning.
Vicky也不忘祝福我。希望她可以早日解决她的问题。
Vicky wished me. Hopefully she can overcome her problem.
秀贞竟然说要我快点找到我另一半，她才会放心。好像我不会照顾自己似的。
Chin asked me to faster find my life partner, so that she will feel better. As if I can’t take care myself… haha
而在我学院的朋友mady和amal，刚刚认识的朋友也祝福我。
My college, mady and amal wished me, which I knew them not long before.
我差一点忘了一个打电话给我祝福我的朋友，Alex。我们算认识很久了，却没想到他会打电话给我，还以为sms就好了啊！他打来说了很多的废话。哈哈哈！算了。反正是我的‘特别的日子’，爽一下不会死的。
他问今天特别吗？说了很多废话我才说‘对我当然是特别了！’。
他说：听到我的笑声就可以了啦！表示我没问题。（考试前一天我找他聊聊因为太压力了）
I nearly forget a friend who phoned me and wished me, Alex. We knew each other for the a very long time, didn’t thought that he will phone me, maybe sms that’s all. He phone and we talk nonsense. Haha… it’s my birthday, so it’s my special day. Let me happy a while will not make any differences.
He asked it today a special day? After a lot of nonsense I answered ‘it’s surely a special day for me’.
He says: I heard you laugh then I know you are fine. (I find him a day before I exam, cause I was so stress)
还有我妹妹，还会问我要什么可以买给我。
And me sis, she even asked me what I want then she will buy for me.
前一晚和家人去吃晚餐，今早我干妈带我去吃点心。就上次那么一次我买蛋糕给她，她就那么的报答我。还硬硬塞我一百块和朋友庆祝。我妈妈都没这么做啊！呵呵！
The night before me and my family went out for dinner, then this morning my godmother bring me for dim sum. Last time her birthday I just did a very small thing, I wished her and bought a cake for her and this she replied me with so much things. She even gave me RM100 for me to spend and celebrate with my friends. Even my mom didn’t do such things. Haha..
截稿为止就这些人祝福我。应该没漏掉谁吧！
迟些祝福的朋友迟些再写。
反正我也不会计较这一切。
祝福我的朋友当然非常感动，非常感激。
那些忘了的，也不要紧。
因为以上很多很多朋友的生日我也忘记掉。
过了很久很久才会想起来。
所以我明白那些人的苦衷。
Until now these are all the people that wished me. I guess I didn’t missed anyone.
People that wish me later will post up here later.
I never mind all these things.
Of course my friends that wished me I feel so touched and thankful.
But those which forgot, never feel sorry.
Because most of the friend that wished me, I tend to forget their birthday too.
Until it passed for a very long time only I recall back.
So I understand their reason.
今年没有蛋糕，反而是我自己做给自己。很好笑吧！那蛋糕就和上次的一样！
This year no cake for me, I made one for myself. That’s funny! It was the cake I bake last time.
对自己的祝福：
你要好好学会处理压力，不要心理那么的不平衡。
不要一直拿自己和别人比较，怎么比都比不完的。
世界是不公平的，可是你自己可以让一切变得公平点的。
要常常记得，自己很幸运。
来到这个世界上，并不是每个人都可以有的机会。
不要对自己要求那么高。
全力以赴做好一切就行。
最重要的是要开开心心。
除了在这么重要的这一天开心，每一天都要开开心心的。
To myself:
You have to learn how to manage your stress, don’t be so unbalance.
Don’t keep on compare yourself with other people, never finishing compare each other.
This world is not fair, but you may make it a little fair.
Always remember that you are a lucky person.
Not everyone has the chance to come to this world.
Don’t ask so much from yourself.
Just tried your best and that’s the best.
The most important is be happy.
Not only on this special day but everyday!
考试前全力以赴，考试后接受结果。 Try your best before exam, and accept any of it’s result.
上个星期我回家，我妈妈说要买床单和被单给我。
她说我室友的床单那么美，而我得那么的普通。
其实对我来说并没有什么分别，反而旧的还比较舒服。
最后还是买了因为有大减价，而且可以换取兑现卷。
Last week I came back home, then my mom says she want to buy a comforter for me.
She says my roommate decorates her bed so nice, and mind was just normal.
Actually I don’t mind all these, the old one is much more comfortable.
At last she still bought it as it was a presale, and she get to change voucher.
my roommate bedsheet
my new bedsheet
我的心也是灰灰的。
The sky was grey as I on the way back to hostel.
My heart was grey too..
i get my access card at last
怎么也独立不起来。
其实有点担心的。
这才开学的第一个月勒！
我还有4年要熬的。
怎么快就服输，这不像我。
就连aaron都会这么说我了。
Seem like now I relay too much.
I can’t be independent.
It was quite worrying…
It was just the first month of my studies.
I have 4 more years to go.
If I gave up now, this was so not me.
Even aaron says me like this.
上个星期都很压力，因为考final。
可以说每个星期我都会有考试，然后每个月会有总考。
而上个星期我有23课要在两天内读完。
根本就读不完，而且我还是在前一个星期就读了的。
我的记忆力好像越来越差，越难记的一些很普通的东西。
我可以重复读了很多次还可以忘记那种。
有时真得很讨厌。
考试前几天都找几个好朋友聊聊天。
尤其是aaron真的很不好意思一直打扰他！哈哈！
要不然我才不会熬过那几天的。
Last week I was so stressed up because I having my final.
Every week I have assessment and every month a final exam.
Last week I had 23 topics to cover in 2 days.
It was impossible for me to finish it, I even started week before this.
My memories become worst, it’s so hard for me to memorized a little thing.
I repeat many times and I still can forget it.
Some times it was so irritating.
Few days before exam, I find some of my friends and have some chat.
Especially aaron, very sorry for the disturbing. Haha…
If not I don’t think I can overcome that few days.
考试考完了，原来那些题目都那么得容易。
可是，那些我专注的就没有出。
原来教授都只出那些很basic的东西。
有点担心这次的成绩，应该不至于靠不过吧！
就当作这一次是一场教训吧！
从这个block学到不少，教授的教法、考试出题的方式等等。
After exam only realized that the question was so basic.
But I didn’t focus much on that.
The lecture only gave very basic question.
Quite worry for the result, but I think I will be able to passed it.
Just take it as a lesson this time.
I learn a lot from this block, ways of lecture, the question he will gave and so on.
考试前全力以赴，考试后接受结果。
Try your best before exam, and accept any of it’s result.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
可不可以让我一步，让我赢一下．．．。would you step one step behind, let me win for once…
已经很久没有上网以及更新我的部落格了。每 个星期都过的很不一样。之前两个星期我都特别的压力。每个星期一都是全新的开始，可是到星期三或星期四时，我的心情渐渐陷入低潮。星期一、二，我都可以开 开心心的，一直到星期三，我可以动不动就掉眼泪。很容易的，没理由的，眼泪可以不知不觉从眼眶掉下。前两个星期我都是那么过的。我知道自己的情绪上受到很 大的影响，我不可再在这样下去。我只是开学一个月还没到一年就有这么多压力的症状，我要这么度过我那沉重的五年啊？而且有点像忧郁症的前兆。
Haven’t been online and update my blog for quite a long time. Every week is a different week. 2 weeks before I am so much in stress. I begin every week with fresh start, but on Wednesday or Thursday, I will feel so down and unhappy. On Monday and Tuesday I am a happy girl, but when reach Wednesday and Thursday, my tears just dropped so easily. Very easy without any reason, my tears just fall down from my eyes. I know that I am being very emotional mentally, and I know I can’t continue to be like this. This is only the first month of my studies and I already having so much stress, how should I continue my 5 years course? And I’m having some psychology symptom.
最大的敌人还是自己。我就是过不了自己的那 一关。也许我给自己的压力太大了。虽然每次的考试我都及格，而且一次比一次进步，可是却达不到我的满意。或许，我的期望太高了，我给自己的目标太遥远了。 我想要比很多人更好，可是我达不到那个目标。我很努力，可是我的成绩只是于平均。我不满意，也不服气。比别人付出更多，却得不到别人的一半。
The biggest enemy is my own self. Maybe I gave myself too much stress. Even though I pass my every test, even better then the test before that, but still can’t reach my expectation. Maybe I gave too high expectation to myself, and my aims were too far. I want to be much more better then other people, but I can’t reach for my aims. I worked very hard, but my result was average. I am not satisfied, and I don’t. I put upon so much hard work compare to others, but I didn’t get what I should have.
人比人，会比死人。就是因为比较让我自己陷 入很深的低潮。虽然现在心理还没真正的平衡回，但至少比前两个星期好很多了。我不去在乎我的成绩。星期五考完考试就回家，不要等待成绩出炉。当讲师念得到 的学生时，要一直提醒自己的名字是不会出现的。成绩怎样都好，至少及格就够了。已经尽力的就不需要后悔。每次我都需要这样的安慰自己。要找人诉说，好像没 有一个是适合的对象。
Compare too much will make one so suffer. This is the reason I dropped into my own trap. I am much better compare to last 2 weeks, even my emotional was not balance yet. I don’t really care about the result after test. Every Friday I will go back without waiting my result to post out. When the lecture calls out names that get A’s, I will not hope for my name to review. No matter how is my result, at least I passed it. The important is I did my best and nothing for me to regret. I used to comfort myself every time after exam. Want to find someone to talk about, but I just can’t found that perfect person.
有时会觉得很累，争都不想争了。有时连话都不想说，保持沉默不是一件很难的事。有时不想理会身边发生的事。有时遇到那一些一步都不想退一步的人，宁愿自己吞下算了。也许一个很虚伪的微笑不一切都带过。
Sometimes I felt so tired, don’t feel like fighting. Sometimes I don’t want to split out any word, being silence is not a hard thing. Sometimes I don’t even care what happened around me. Sometimes I meet someone who doesn’t want to step back, I would rather swallow all the suffering myself. Maybe a fake smile would let go everything.
我亲爱的朋友，有时发生争执或意见不和时，可不可以让我一步，让我赢一下．．．
My very dear friend, some times when having different point of view or some little disagreement, would you step one step behind, let me win for once…
31/08/08
Friday, August 22, 2008
精彩的学院生活 。my U life
开学已有一个星期了。这一个星期以来我都过得很好。
开学的第一个星期就已经有4个assignment了。而且都是前一天才放上学院的网站，我们第二天就要在班上呈现。还好的是都是group assignment，要不然我也不知道怎么把它做完。
很多意想不到的事发生，让我觉得开学真好。
It’s already a week since I started my school. This whole week was so good for me.
I have 4 assignments since the first week of study. They post the assignment to student portal one day before the due date. Luckily it’s was a group assignment, if not I don’t know how will I be able to finished it.
A lot of things happened, which make me feel school life is really nice.
my mom
my godmother
Orientation的那几天我的我的室友相处得非常好。原本我是我家里唯一的华人，我妈妈一直说服我找另外一个华人一起住。过后我才发现到其实每间家都只有一个华人，所以根本就没有分别。我们hostel是校方安排的，可是我们并不是住在学校里面，只是first year时一定要住校方安排的住宿。比起别人我真得觉得我这间家的人都非常好。有些人和室友不合啦！也有些也一直向校方要求换屋子。其实都很难可以换到，而且要经过讲师的批准。这次的orientation比以前foundation时的来的无聊。
I mix well with my housemate from the orientation day. I am the only Chinese in my house, my mom keep on pursuit me to find another Chinese girl to stay with. But then I found out that each house only have 1 chinese. Can you imagine how few Chinese in my school? Our hostel was organize by the college, but we aren’t staying in the college’s hostel, only the first year we need to stay under college. Compare with other friends, I think my housemate is the best. We already work together very well. Unlike other housemate, they ask for house changing or group changing. We need lecture approver for the changed. The orientation this year was much more boring then last time my foundation’s orientation.
my orientation group members
my housemate
my room-mate
星期一
当天我就已经和敏、cindy、珍、旸还有敏的哥哥，威、威的女友，琳，还有两个新进来的药剂科系的学生，罗赫文，一起吃火锅晚餐。其实应该说，他们全部都是读药剂系的，就除了我是医学系的。没办法啊！foundation时我们就已经认识了，当然会比较亲。
Monday
Today I ate steamboat together with mei, cindy, Amanda, zaiyang and also mei’s brother, wei, his girlfriend, ling, and another 2 new comers which study pharmacy, loh and wen. Actually I am the only one who studying medicine. Other of them were all studying pharmacy.
星期二
我 们这一班的人又一起去吃晚餐。我想那两个 新来的学生会被我们这一群神经的人吓倒。很不明白的是他们那一群人一直捉弄我和文，好像叫他追我那样，又故意让他坐在我的旁边。我对他们这下无聊的举动没 什么反应，可是好像吓倒文了。哈哈。罗更好笑。他跟文说：要就赶快从这几个女生选一个，不然你就只剩下包头的可以选了。
Tuesday
We all together went to eat dinner again. I think the 2 new comers will be very surprise by this group of crazy people. I don’t understand why they all like to make fun of me and the new guy, wen, as if keep on encourage him to court after me, and then purposely let him sit beside me. I am feeling-less with their lame act. Then loh is so funny. Haha… He told wen: if you want then you better choose one among this few girls, if not you only can choose the other girl with wrap headed. (muslims)
星期三
就当我走去敏的家吃晚餐时，路上我遇到Lam。相隔了那么就我们终于在路上遇到。虽然住在同一个住宿区，我们却好像从来没有碰见对方。当时天很黑，我想他应该没有注意到我，一直到他从我身边经过时我才叫他。他看起来有点惊讶，但是还是跟我聊了一下子。他还是老样子，我递一眼就认出他了。
Wednesday
On the way to mei’s house for dinner, I saw Lam. After so long, at last we met on this road. Although we stay in the same area but we never met. That day was so dark, I think he will never notice me, until he passed by me only I call him. he was quite surprise, but he still talk with me for a while. He is still the same old him, I can recognize him by the first look.
星期四
我没有想到在开学的第一个星期就有人向我表白。只是我不知道他是不是认真的。F也是我在foundation就认识了，只是当时我重读一个sem，所以他现在是我的学长。我们一向以来都有保持联络，只是一直以来我都觉得我们就只是普通朋友，他也不会对我有任何的感觉。开学的前几天也有问我开学的准备。
Thursday
I didn’t thought that someone will actually confess to me in this ever first week open school. I don’t know he was serious or just kidding. I knew F since foundation, but then I repeat 1 sem so he is my senior now. We still keep in touch even thought we aren’t the same year anymore, but we are just normal friends which I think he won’t has feelings toward me.
昨天我在学校又看到他，当时他是背向我的，所以我就打了他的背后以下，疑似打招呼。他一回头，我回他一笑我就走掉了。当时我赶去买文具，因为下一堂课就快要开始了。当天晚上他就穿了一封简讯给我。
Yesterday I saw him along the sideway in college, he was facing back to me, so I just tap on his back, and then reply a smile when he turn back. Just a normal saying ‘hi’. Then I rush to buy some stationary before the next class which going to start in few minutes.
That night he sms me.
“我不准你以后拍我一下后就跑掉，不管你跑到哪里我都会追到你。”
“I will never allow you to run away from me like today anymore, I will chase you no matter where you go.”
当时我看着封简讯时是没有感觉到什么，可是现在回想起来，他好像开始对我暧昧了吧！
I didn’t feel anything when I read this message, but now when I think back. He seems to has special meaning in it.
今天晚上他就穿了一封简讯为我。
He sms-ed me tonight.
“你是个很好的朋友，我想我应该考虑你成为我的女朋友。你要不要？”
“ hey, you’re such a nice friend… think I might consider taking you as my girlfriend la. Want?”
我看到这封简讯时就有点吓倒，就会想起昨天他传给我的简讯，才发现到原来昨天他已有表示。
I am a totally shock when I read this message, then I though back what he sms me last night, he seems like have some kind of showing since yesterday.
我没有正面的回答他的问题，然后转移话题。聊了一下他又回到原来的问题。
I didn’t reply him directly, then trying to change the topic. But after a few chat he was back to his main question.
“现在已经很晚了，只有情人才会传简讯。那你现在是不是我的女朋友？”
“ anyway, its getting late now. Only lovers texting in middle of night. Are you my girlfriend or what?
他太直接了吧！我没有办法，就只好以开玩笑的方式回复他。
He is way too straight forward! I have no choice, then I reply him like sort of kidding.
“你是不是认真的？我是你的女性朋友。哈哈！当然我们还是好朋友。”
“ are you serious?? I am your girl’s friend. Haha! Of course we are still good friend.”
他的回复：
“我当然是认真的，以开玩笑的方式。”
“of course I am serious, in a kidding way.”
我真得很不明白，我们什么时候有了化学作用。我真得那么后知后觉吗？
I am totally in blurr, since when we have chemistry to each other? Am I so slow as in this feelingsss??
我只能说，他再错的时间对错的人有感觉。
I only can say that, he had the feeling with the wrong people in wrong timing.
星期五
我每个星期五会有考试，而且成绩在短短几分钟后就会揭晓。我这次很害怕自己会过不了，还好我及格了，可是我很不满意我的成绩。我想我应该可以做得更好的。我现在缺乏的是一股推动力。
今天我在走廊遇见F，他也停下来和我聊天，我有点尴尬。我觉得我对他开始有一种‘保持距离’的感觉。好像不可以像以前那样很开放的聊天。
Friday
Each Friday I have assessment, and the result will be posted in a few minutes time. I was so worry that I will fail as they says there are 12 people fail, but luckily I passed. But I am not satiscfied with my result. I think I can do better then this. But I am lacking of motivation.
Today I say F in college, and he stopped by and talk with me. I am quite shy I think. I feel as I keeping a distance from him. as if I can’t talk with him so openly like last time.
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