let me be stronger and able to face death

i am unable to attend uncle's funeral tomorrow and kept thinking about it! i am afraid i might regret one day, not seeing him for the one last time. i am so confuse now.

i suppose can go back today after my class canceled, yet i have to fetch my sister tomorrow where she will be back from Krabi and her flight will reach at 4pm. uncle's funeral at 2pm.

i was torn apart from go for the funeral or fetch my sister back. cause its raya soon and there will surely no bus ticket to go back malacca. before this my sister say since she can't attend the funeral, might as well i go. but mom says surely no bus ticket for my sister to go back malacca.

its easier to blame others. i really feel very bad for not going the funeral. mom says its ok. we still can go aunty house when we back malacca. mom had bought flower for us to give to him. my brother band also going to perform tomorrow during the funeral.

i still feel guilty. i really have no idea to overcome it! please... let me be stronger and able to face death. i can't even be sincere with what i do this week. i am emotionally, mentally and physically affected.

may uncle rest in peace. i really miss him.