Tuesday, December 30, 2008
can't imagine how can i forget to bring along my laptop this week to cyberjaya.
laptop is my life man...
and now i can't blog...
can't watch movies and series...
can't download songs and movies...
can't surf net or chat...
can't change my blog pictures and whatever...
and the most important thing that i had plan--to write a resolution and flashback of this year before the year ends...
and now everything gone...
gone and gone...
the time passed so slow when my laptop is not around me...
today was just tuesday...
i have 3 more days to go...
thursday not going back for new year...
can't count down again for this year...
because of stupid exam...
this kind of life was boredddd......
1st aim for new year: NEVER LEAVE BEHIND MY LAPTOP AGAIN!
i guess i'm not going to blog until friday.
happy birthday to my dad first, which going to having his birthday on 1st january...
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
my mom just call me that she meet my sister while she travel in taiwan and my sister as exchange student at there.
what a little world!
actually i don't really know the whole story of that.
just knew it from my mom.
the story is like this, my sister went to taiwan at 8th of this month for 3 weeks.
she joined taiwan exchange student for 3 weeks.
my parents and my brother went to taiwan at 13th of this month.
last friday, 19th, they just came back.
my mom says when there were at 'hua lian', they plan to find my sister.
but they have to sit 1 hour journey to some place quite far.
at last they didn't wet to find her.
but still, they meet each other.
this world is just so small.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
didn't go back malacca this weekend. watched 'Ip Man' yesterday midnight.
开始时我还以为Ip Man的读法是I-P MAN。
batman，superman， spiderman， cicak man之后又来一个Ip man？？
at first i though Ip Man is pronounce as I-P MAN. what again?
after batman, superman, spiderman, cicak man and now IP man??
only then i know it's 'Ip Man', a people's name, pronounce in Cantonese.
i am so outdated, it is a very famous movie's title.
甄子丹 Donnie Yen
任达华 Simon Yam
林家栋 Gordon Lam
樊少皇 Louis Fan
池内博之 Hiroyuki Ikeuchi
the movie was really nice, all great actor was acting that movie...
i like Donnie Yen! and also the Japanese General...
i think i saw the japanese guy act before... but i forget which show or movie.
i think the most best part was Donnie Yen kung fu. i enjoy it very much.
go watch the trailer and i'm sure you want to watch that movie.
Ip Man official website!
i guess i already think back when i saw that japanese actor before! hahahaha...
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
i bought this shoes last friday! i really search for this kind of shoes long time ago.
the shopkeeper says if we buy 2 pairs then the shop will give us 40% discount.
jeslyn like it very much but she don't want to buy at first.
then we walked out the shop and i keep on pursuing her...
at last she just can't resist anymore and she bought the shoes together with me.
it only cost RM45 instead of 75 per pair...
i went to watch twilight yesterday with jeslyn.
she doesn't know about this movie until i told her.
i already have a very strong feeling that this movie will be very very nice.
and true enough, it was so nice until both of us was like absorbed into that movie.
i like the story line... that was so beautiful... which will never happened in real life.
i like Edward Cullen but not Robert Pattinson.
i don't know why... his real person is just not my type. haha...
and he is not as cool and handsome as in the movie.
of course, after make up and all those stuff, he became handsome.
i like Bella Swan but not Kristen Stewart thought...
can you imagine the real Kristen Steward smoke marijuana out of a pot pipe–out?
ok... imagine yourself.
maybe i shouldn't judge a person cover. so what?
she still smoke!
i guess you will not believe if i only wrote it.
here's the picture that prove i am not wrong.
she is only 18!
basically i just like the character in the story and not the real person.
see how can a story make a person perfect...
click here to get to the official website and watch the trailer.
i will really recommended this movie.
i know i'll love this movie before i watch this movie!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
My life was too peaceful lately, and I am bored with my life.
2 weeks had passed, like nothing ever changed.
Physiology block is over, and now is Biochemistry.
I’m still having exam every week as usual.
And I’ve studied until so bored.
How good I have one percent of others.
I don’t really have the study force, and study based on my mood.
When I have good mood, I can finish very fast.
But when I am not in the mood, nothing will go into my mind.
Kept thinking is I choosing the right choice.
I tried my best to do the best.
But I still feel disappointed.
I really need the one percent of others.
Maybe if I have that, I might be among the best.
I want my life to be more colourful.
Everyday having the same life, same bit, same melody.
The star that shines had gone.
Monday, October 27, 2008
October 17th, Friday, I went back to Malacca right after my exam.
Evening, I went to my grandpa funeral.
I don’t know how many tears I dropped that day.
Most of them already in normal state, and I just started to be emotional.
I experience the same feeling 13 years before, when my grandmother pass away.
Although I was 7 years old, but it feels like just happened yesterday.
I saw my grandpa body, his face was like smiling.
It’s that he let go everything, feeling relief, and then he smile?
I see it again and again, I’m scared that I will forget how he look like.
Saturday morning something unpleasant happened.
The night before my mom says we will go to grandpa house together.
But that morning, my mom didn’t wake me up, and she went there with my brother.
Feel that I was being forgotten, being left behind.
I know I think too much, but I just don’t want to miss a thing in the funeral.
My mom wants me to follow my dad, but he was sleeping.
I don’t understand why she just can’t let me go with her.
I cried of anger, and cried of sad.
At last, I rather drove there myself.
The prayer started around 10am, the Master started the prayer.
Then they open the coffin, and took out the dry ice.
When the coffin was opened, everyone was crying so badly.
The Master put in the paper money, and tells my grandpa to leave peacefully.
All of us was crying so badly, and walk beside the coffin to see grandpa one last time.
When the coffin was taken outside of the house, we are not allowed to watch it.
After the coffin was put in front the house, prayers begin.
It was raining, and the sky is grey.
Just like our tears, just like our feeling.
In the noon, the coffin was out into the van.
Each of us was crying and crying.
And the eldest in the family tell us to control our sadness, let grandpa leave peacefully.
Rains begin to become drizzling, and our emotion is under control.
On the mountain, the Master doesn’t allow us to see the coffin was put into the earth.
After prayers, each of us hold a handful of sand, throw upon the coffin, and walk down the mountain without turn back.
The emotion which was under control back to uncontrollable when I saw my grandpa coffin was in there, my tears just falls.
In my heart: the one that lying inside was my grandpa, and I will never see him again…
We still need to pray after we were home, then burn everything that we need to burn to grandpa.
After all the prayers, that was the end of the funeral.
Some people having some rest and some people were cleaning the house.
We were having grand dinner in the house; I don’t really understand the meaning of having grand dinner after the funeral.
They opened 15 tables for the entire guess, mostly our relatives.
After dinner, brothers and sisters of my mom were sitting in front of the house.
I and some of the elder cousin were sitting there too.
They were chit-chatting, and we talk about what grandpa did when he was young.
Most of it was interesting, each of us talk and laugh.
They said which my grandpa favorite child was.
They also said that even though my grandpa was very strict, but he treats his children equally, no matter girls or boys.
And my grandpa always brings his grandchild to coffee shop for coffee.
I also have this part of memory.
When I was very young, whenever I have the chance to go back grandpa house, he will always brings me to coffee shop for coffee.
Maybe this is why I like coffee now.
He will bring me using his motorbike, and then he will carry me to the long chair in the coffee shop.
Every time he will pour some of the coffee onto the coffee plate, and then blow it, until the coffee was cool down only he will let me drink.
Eventually, I have this beautiful memory with my grandpa.
Everyone was talking in front of the house, seem like nothing ever happened.
Seem like grandpa still there.
But when everyone was laughing, there were tears in the eyes too.
Death, every single people have to face it.
When someone passes away, it does not affect this world at all.
Just like all of us was sitting in front of the house, talk about the past.
Seems like nothing ever happened.
Seems like grandpa was still there.
Grandpa was not here anymore, but he will always be in my heart.
His face smiles, he will leave peacefully, he will live very good in the other world.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
right before i went back to cyberjaya i get the death news of my grandfather.
but i still go back to cyberjaya, as i got class.
i know that my mom will not also let this to affect my studies.
i am so down along the way back.
last friday i went back to malacca to visit my grandfather.
my mom says my grandfather heart beat stopped once.
on saturday night, siblings of my mom decided to bring my grandfather back to his own house.
every time i see my grandfather, i will not be able to control my feelings, and tears fall.
on sunday my mom call me go back and see my grandfather for the last time.
my tears just flow when i saw him.
i went to his bedside and called him, but he didn't respond to me.
he open his eyes once a while, but just keep looking on the celling.
i don't know what he is looking at, want to know so much.
i am so scared of that moment.
i don't know will i be able to see someone just pass away in front of me.
all of my grandfather children is able to come back and see the one last time.
everyone is calling him to leave peacefully.
that was to sad.
i totally can't control my feeling that time.
at last, i didn't see my grandfather breath out the last breath.
i think i will feel very suffering.
i thought i will not be able to attend my grandfather funeral.
then my relative decide to make the funeral until this saturday.
to let me attend his funeral.
if human will die at last, then what's the point to live in this world?
if we had food and the food will come out at feces, what's the point to eat?
the question i asked is a no answer question.
i need a meaning of life.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
i went to see my grandpa right after i reach my home yesterday.
a few day before, he was admit into ICU, and his heart was stop once yesterday.
my grandpa is all right before this.
i don't understand why people in the house want to send him to the hospital.
some times he refuse to eat.
but if you are patient enough to sit beside him and talk to him, he will eat.
he already so old, 90 something.
he didn't ill, just some old people sickness.
don't really need to send in hospital.
that only make bruise to him.
because of blood test and some other test, already made his arm blue-black.
if his time is arrived, we can't do anything.
not say that i am cruel or heartless.
letting my grandpa suffer, why not just let him go?
reduce his suffering, let his leftover life be peaceful.
is this cruel?
my mom and her sisters was not so happy because of this different opinion.
maybe people that works in medical field think differently like others.
if human will die at last, then what's the point to live in this world.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I know that I have not been updating my blog for quite a long time.
A week of holiday passes so fast.
I not yet enjoy my holiday and I need to go back to Cyberjaya.
I went out with my friend and stay at home for the first few days of holiday.
That few days of raya I work for my dad in his clinic.
His malay workers all go for Raya holiday, they holiday for 4 days, and I need to work for 4 days too.
From Wednesday to Saturday.
Left Sunday one last day.
Every Sunday will specially passed very fast.
Way back to Cyberjaya, I don’t feel really good.
I can’t understand why I don’t like to go back to Cyberjaya anymore.
Last time I don’t have such feeling.
The life over here is too bored.
I don’t really like everything over here anymore.
I want my life to be very interesting, but I just can’t create as what I want.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
i receive a message from F.
hey, do you know what is the greek word for honey-bee?
i'm kinda doing some research for alternative medicine.
thought i cound use sum of your help a bit.
i am not very sure about it.
but i know that there are some people that use the poison of honey bee to cure poison.
antidote for poison... that interesting...
i can put that in slide.
have u heard ppl claim that honey can makes u feel good due to a chemical...
it sounds ridiculous.. bt could be true. ever heard of it b4?
you think that i am your internet? hahaha...
i never heard that before.
but i also heard before that if you get burn one might help to cure the pain and won't leave scare on your skin
hat's how i can describe abt you my friend.
you leave no scar in a friendship.
Ure an invaluable friend to keep for.
honey bee in greek means 'Melissa':)
ya! hahaha... how can i forget it.
it is my name. you remind me. hahaha
i search in the internet before in foundation but i forgotten it. hahaha
are you really doing research?
haha... so u've known it already.
not evrybody does really know what ppl actually call them.
you're excluded i guess. congratulations.
hehe did i really doing research?
hm, what do you think?
i reply: i thought you are having mid sem exam this week...
yes its mid sem week 4 d whole pharmacy big time.
hey. i need to get to my revision. ttyl ya.
very clever of you. get enough rest then start your engine again.
good luck for your exam. enjoy your study. haha
get enough rest.
you too... hehehe...
how good if this world only have one kind of human!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
哦 哦 午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
哦 哦 阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
even though my birthday had passed quite long, but i still haven't write about the surprise
that my friends gave me.
i never thought that my friends would give me a birthday surprise.
but i also hope for it for very long time.
everytime preparing for other friend's surprise birthday, i also hope that one day my friend
s will be able to give me one.
i went back to Cyberjaya that evening of my birthday, because i have class the next day.
after i reach there i went to Mei's house to find Vu help me to reformat my laptop.
i was there for quite some times.
then they wanted to go out for dinner, they also invited me.
i had my dinner so i don't want to go.
Ryan:go with us la!
me:i am full.
Ryan:go have some drinks la.
then, i followed vu.ryan and amanda to dinner.
Mei still at her house, not yet come back to Cyberjaya.
after dinner i went back to my house.
until 11 something, Vu phoned me ans ask me go out my house to take my hard disc.
Vu:come out and take your hard disc.
me:you don't know where's my house?
Vu:ya...come out and take it.
me:you knew my house la... you came here before...same as last time that house.
Vu:you come out la.....
so i walk out my house, was Vu then i walk towards him.
suddenly, there were 'Happy Birthday' song came out from behind of the
it's Mei, Amanda and Ryan.
Mei was holding a cake with candles on her hands.
i don't know how should i react that time, just keep on laughing.
i really had the feeling of 'surprise'.haha!
that time was about 11.59pm.
my birthday going to over only they want to celebrate with me, i says.
they say, this is more special then usual, then only i will remember that day.
my Vietnam friend's also came, although they were quite slow.
(they even took a shower and look neat)
i like my hair!! hahaha
i really appreciate this group of my friends.
little present from Mya.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
at last, i had done what i wished.
今天我回到Malim那里的幼儿园，见了那些我想念已久的小孩。 依然是那几个很熟悉的脸孔。 我预算好时间，刚刚好在他们睡午觉后去找他们。
today i went to Malim's kindergarten, and meet all the kids that i miss so much. their faces are still so familier. i planned my time, and i reach there right after their nap.
我的一个看到的是Mah Wei Jun。 他应该是刚刚睡醒，还迷迷糊糊的。 他看到我时好像有点惊讶。 我问他：你知不知到我是谁？ 他只看着我，没有回答我的问题。 但是我心里想着：这些小孩都忘了我吗？
the first child i saw was Mah Wei Jun. i think he just woke up, look so blur. he looks surprise when he saw me came. i asked him: do you know who am I? he just stare at me. didn't answer my question. in heart i thought: are all these kids already forgotten me?
Mah Wei Jun
Joslyn Teh,Yee Shin, Noelle都在做功课。 他们像是记得我，可是却忘了我。 看得出，Joslyn很用力的想我是谁。
Joslyn Teh, Yee Shin Noelle was doing their homework. they seem like remember me, but at the same time forgotten me. i can saw that Joslyn is trying very hard to remember who am I.
talk a while with the Headmaster and also Aunty ShuLin, and i bought some snack for them. anuty then went into the room to wake up the kids that not yet wake up from their nap.
Yao and Joslyn
突然，Mah Wei Jun就走到房门外说：Teacher Melissa！ 他记得我！我心里呐喊着。 当时很感动，因为有一个学生竟然还记得我的名字。 那时其它的学生也跑过来教我。
then suddenly, Mah Wei Jun came to the door and called: Teacher Melissa! he still remember me! i shout inside my heart. i am so touched, because at least there are still a student remember me. then other kids also came and call me.
Kwei Xuan看到我是就耍脾气，她还是像以前那样的霸道。 Henry公主却因为不够睡而脸嘟嘟。 阿耀还是那么会说话。 子强依然那么会吃。
Kwei Xuan was having bad mood, still as ego as before. Henry having bad mood because he was waked up from his nap. Yao still talk as much as last time. Qiang was still eat as much as last time.
Kwei Xuan刚开始时根本就不想接近我。 经过一段时间的哄哄骗骗她才肯让我抱她。 她也记得我。 当我问她：你知道我是谁吗？ 她会说：Teacher Melissa。
Kwei Xuan refuse to come near me at first. after a while only she let me carry her. she still remember me. i asked her: do you know who am I? she called: Teacher Melissa.
aunty ShuLin says, the children will feel you are stranger if we lost contact for quite some time.
even thought there was already a gap, but these kids still remember me. they still call me, and also talk a lot with me.
那里换了院长，换了老师，换了教育方式。 以前是没有藤鞭的，可是今天我发现到院长的桌子上有藤鞭。 那个aunty也一直恐吓他们，尤其是Mah Wei Jun。 也许他们现在的环境并没有我想向中的那么差。 尽管如此我也无能为力。 真的希望那些小孩过得顺顺利利的。
changes of headmaster, changes of teachers, changes of education style. there was no cane in the past, but today i was a cane on the headmaster's table. aunty also keep on scaring them, especially towards mah Wei Jun. maybe their situation is not as bad as i thought. if really were, I can't do anything too. just hope that the kids there will live happily.
Kwei Xuan给我哄后就让我抱，做功课时也坐着我的腿上。 当时的感觉很好很好。 我在那里逗留的时间也满长的。 只需要看着那些小孩，我就很满足。
Kwei Xuan let me carry her, and she sits on my lap when she doing her homework. that feeling was really great. i was there for quite a long time. i feel satisfied just looking at the kids.
直到我要离开前，我告诉Kwei Xuan：我现在要回家了，改天才来看你，好不好？ 她点点头，然后说：Teacher Melissa，你明天来看我啊？ 我听到她那样回答我，我的情绪就快要控制不住了。 我再不离开那个地方，也许我会忍不住掉眼泪 我回答她：嗯...
until before i leave, i tell Kwei Xuan: i want to go back now, i come to see you another day , ok? she noded her head, then she says: Teacher Melissa, you tomorrow will come and see me again? when i heard what she says, i nearly can't hold my emotion, if I don't leave that place immedialy, i might not be able to hold my tears. i answered her: emm...
they are so naive.
they are so pure.
i already start to miss them......
Saturday, September 13, 2008
the story was quite good but the ending is so brainless.
the stupidest movie that i've seen.
even the horror movie 'sick nurses' was better then that even thought the supernatural thing was so fake.
i didn't go back to malacca this week... basically no reason at all.
just whenever i feel going back or the other way round i can do whatever i want.
last Friday i had final exam for my Anatomy paper.
i don't think i did well.
the result is not out yet... might be out a month later.
now i am entering 'behavioural sciences' block, something like psychology.
basically we studying about human behave and their minds.
from infant until old age.
it was not as interesting as what i thought.
i thought that maybe we will be studying about some cases of mental problems.
but what we study is the theory and some definitions.
most of it don't have a fix answer and this make my assignment lots of trouble.
and i also don't know what i should study.
the lecturer also didn't give any notes to us.
one of the topic was 'psychology development during childhood, adolescence and adulthood'.
the childhood part makes me think about my kindergarten kids.
i just miss them so damn much.
until i can't describe how much i miss them.
all of the kids faces appear one by one in my mind.
what's in the notes about their behavior was totally same as what i experience when i working in kindergarten.
that only make me miss them more.
i tell myself that i will go and visit them some day when i having holidays.
but i am so scare that i will be disappointed.
i just miss them so much.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Thank you very much for all the friends that wished me.
The very first one surely will be Jesln, she is the first one to find me and asked me out for movies. Then surprisingly give a present. Even wrote a ‘love letter’ for me.
Then it’s aaron. This stupid guy bluffs me he was sooo tired and wanted to sleep. But then sms me on 12 midnight wish me.
The unexpected hui, a online friend. I didn’t chat with him for a very long time, but he still remembers my birthday.
Zenkio a Hong Kong online friend also wished me.
Py sms me, used a special words to wish me. I knew it was her when I read that message. She likes to use all those words.
Ko Shin, a very goo old friend. She says she will ask me for shopping when she having holidays.
“hey! My last year present that you’ve bought when only wants to give me?” haha…
Cindy asked me not to give too much pressure for myself, just did my best. I think she read my blog and found that I am so stress up.
Xuan, which never fail to forget my birthday. I knew her quite long, but we never meet after primary school. It’s so touched.
Even zaiyang wished me. Maybe after we went Vietnam together we were closer. Last time I use to feel that he is very cold, after Vietnam trip I will he become better. Haha…
Vu and Jindo sms me middle of the night. I was asleep that time, and I saw It this morning.
Vicky wished me. Hopefully she can overcome her problem.
Chin asked me to faster find my life partner, so that she will feel better. As if I can’t take care myself… haha
My college, mady and amal wished me, which I knew them not long before.
I nearly forget a friend who phoned me and wished me, Alex. We knew each other for the a very long time, didn’t thought that he will phone me, maybe sms that’s all. He phone and we talk nonsense. Haha… it’s my birthday, so it’s my special day. Let me happy a while will not make any differences.
He asked it today a special day? After a lot of nonsense I answered ‘it’s surely a special day for me’.
He says: I heard you laugh then I know you are fine. (I find him a day before I exam, cause I was so stress)
And me sis, she even asked me what I want then she will buy for me.
The night before me and my family went out for dinner, then this morning my godmother bring me for dim sum. Last time her birthday I just did a very small thing, I wished her and bought a cake for her and this she replied me with so much things. She even gave me RM100 for me to spend and celebrate with my friends. Even my mom didn’t do such things. Haha..
Until now these are all the people that wished me. I guess I didn’t missed anyone.
People that wish me later will post up here later.
I never mind all these things.
Of course my friends that wished me I feel so touched and thankful.
But those which forgot, never feel sorry.
Because most of the friend that wished me, I tend to forget their birthday too.
Until it passed for a very long time only I recall back.
So I understand their reason.
This year no cake for me, I made one for myself. That’s funny! It was the cake I bake last time.
You have to learn how to manage your stress, don’t be so unbalance.
Don’t keep on compare yourself with other people, never finishing compare each other.
This world is not fair, but you may make it a little fair.
Always remember that you are a lucky person.
Not everyone has the chance to come to this world.
Don’t ask so much from yourself.
Just tried your best and that’s the best.
The most important is be happy.
Not only on this special day but everyday!
Last week I came back home, then my mom says she want to buy a comforter for me.
She says my roommate decorates her bed so nice, and mind was just normal.
Actually I don’t mind all these, the old one is much more comfortable.
At last she still bought it as it was a presale, and she get to change voucher.
my roommate bedsheet
my new bedsheet
The sky was grey as I on the way back to hostel.
My heart was grey too..
i get my access card at last
Seem like now I relay too much.
I can’t be independent.
It was quite worrying…
It was just the first month of my studies.
I have 4 more years to go.
If I gave up now, this was so not me.
Even aaron says me like this.
Last week I was so stressed up because I having my final.
Every week I have assessment and every month a final exam.
Last week I had 23 topics to cover in 2 days.
It was impossible for me to finish it, I even started week before this.
My memories become worst, it’s so hard for me to memorized a little thing.
I repeat many times and I still can forget it.
Some times it was so irritating.
Few days before exam, I find some of my friends and have some chat.
Especially aaron, very sorry for the disturbing. Haha…
If not I don’t think I can overcome that few days.
After exam only realized that the question was so basic.
But I didn’t focus much on that.
The lecture only gave very basic question.
Quite worry for the result, but I think I will be able to passed it.
Just take it as a lesson this time.
I learn a lot from this block, ways of lecture, the question he will gave and so on.
Try your best before exam, and accept any of it’s result.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
已经很久没有上网以及更新我的部落格了。每 个星期都过的很不一样。之前两个星期我都特别的压力。每个星期一都是全新的开始，可是到星期三或星期四时，我的心情渐渐陷入低潮。星期一、二，我都可以开 开心心的，一直到星期三，我可以动不动就掉眼泪。很容易的，没理由的，眼泪可以不知不觉从眼眶掉下。前两个星期我都是那么过的。我知道自己的情绪上受到很 大的影响，我不可再在这样下去。我只是开学一个月还没到一年就有这么多压力的症状，我要这么度过我那沉重的五年啊？而且有点像忧郁症的前兆。
Haven’t been online and update my blog for quite a long time. Every week is a different week. 2 weeks before I am so much in stress. I begin every week with fresh start, but on Wednesday or Thursday, I will feel so down and unhappy. On Monday and Tuesday I am a happy girl, but when reach Wednesday and Thursday, my tears just dropped so easily. Very easy without any reason, my tears just fall down from my eyes. I know that I am being very emotional mentally, and I know I can’t continue to be like this. This is only the first month of my studies and I already having so much stress, how should I continue my 5 years course? And I’m having some psychology symptom.
最大的敌人还是自己。我就是过不了自己的那 一关。也许我给自己的压力太大了。虽然每次的考试我都及格，而且一次比一次进步，可是却达不到我的满意。或许，我的期望太高了，我给自己的目标太遥远了。 我想要比很多人更好，可是我达不到那个目标。我很努力，可是我的成绩只是于平均。我不满意，也不服气。比别人付出更多，却得不到别人的一半。
The biggest enemy is my own self. Maybe I gave myself too much stress. Even though I pass my every test, even better then the test before that, but still can’t reach my expectation. Maybe I gave too high expectation to myself, and my aims were too far. I want to be much more better then other people, but I can’t reach for my aims. I worked very hard, but my result was average. I am not satisfied, and I don’t. I put upon so much hard work compare to others, but I didn’t get what I should have.
人比人，会比死人。就是因为比较让我自己陷 入很深的低潮。虽然现在心理还没真正的平衡回，但至少比前两个星期好很多了。我不去在乎我的成绩。星期五考完考试就回家，不要等待成绩出炉。当讲师念得到 的学生时，要一直提醒自己的名字是不会出现的。成绩怎样都好，至少及格就够了。已经尽力的就不需要后悔。每次我都需要这样的安慰自己。要找人诉说，好像没 有一个是适合的对象。
Compare too much will make one so suffer. This is the reason I dropped into my own trap. I am much better compare to last 2 weeks, even my emotional was not balance yet. I don’t really care about the result after test. Every Friday I will go back without waiting my result to post out. When the lecture calls out names that get A’s, I will not hope for my name to review. No matter how is my result, at least I passed it. The important is I did my best and nothing for me to regret. I used to comfort myself every time after exam. Want to find someone to talk about, but I just can’t found that perfect person.
Sometimes I felt so tired, don’t feel like fighting. Sometimes I don’t want to split out any word, being silence is not a hard thing. Sometimes I don’t even care what happened around me. Sometimes I meet someone who doesn’t want to step back, I would rather swallow all the suffering myself. Maybe a fake smile would let go everything.
My very dear friend, some times when having different point of view or some little disagreement, would you step one step behind, let me win for once…
Friday, August 22, 2008
It’s already a week since I started my school. This whole week was so good for me.
I have 4 assignments since the first week of study. They post the assignment to student portal one day before the due date. Luckily it’s was a group assignment, if not I don’t know how will I be able to finished it.
A lot of things happened, which make me feel school life is really nice.
I mix well with my housemate from the orientation day. I am the only Chinese in my house, my mom keep on pursuit me to find another Chinese girl to stay with. But then I found out that each house only have 1 chinese. Can you imagine how few Chinese in my school? Our hostel was organize by the college, but we aren’t staying in the college’s hostel, only the first year we need to stay under college. Compare with other friends, I think my housemate is the best. We already work together very well. Unlike other housemate, they ask for house changing or group changing. We need lecture approver for the changed. The orientation this year was much more boring then last time my foundation’s orientation.
my orientation group members
Today I ate steamboat together with mei, cindy, Amanda, zaiyang and also mei’s brother, wei, his girlfriend, ling, and another 2 new comers which study pharmacy, loh and wen. Actually I am the only one who studying medicine. Other of them were all studying pharmacy.
我 们这一班的人又一起去吃晚餐。我想那两个 新来的学生会被我们这一群神经的人吓倒。很不明白的是他们那一群人一直捉弄我和文，好像叫他追我那样，又故意让他坐在我的旁边。我对他们这下无聊的举动没 什么反应，可是好像吓倒文了。哈哈。罗更好笑。他跟文说：要就赶快从这几个女生选一个，不然你就只剩下包头的可以选了。
We all together went to eat dinner again. I think the 2 new comers will be very surprise by this group of crazy people. I don’t understand why they all like to make fun of me and the new guy, wen, as if keep on encourage him to court after me, and then purposely let him sit beside me. I am feeling-less with their lame act. Then loh is so funny. Haha… He told wen: if you want then you better choose one among this few girls, if not you only can choose the other girl with wrap headed. (muslims)
On the way to mei’s house for dinner, I saw Lam. After so long, at last we met on this road. Although we stay in the same area but we never met. That day was so dark, I think he will never notice me, until he passed by me only I call him. he was quite surprise, but he still talk with me for a while. He is still the same old him, I can recognize him by the first look.
I didn’t thought that someone will actually confess to me in this ever first week open school. I don’t know he was serious or just kidding. I knew F since foundation, but then I repeat 1 sem so he is my senior now. We still keep in touch even thought we aren’t the same year anymore, but we are just normal friends which I think he won’t has feelings toward me.
Yesterday I saw him along the sideway in college, he was facing back to me, so I just tap on his back, and then reply a smile when he turn back. Just a normal saying ‘hi’. Then I rush to buy some stationary before the next class which going to start in few minutes.
That night he sms me.
“I will never allow you to run away from me like today anymore, I will chase you no matter where you go.”
I didn’t feel anything when I read this message, but now when I think back. He seems to has special meaning in it.
He sms-ed me tonight.
“ hey, you’re such a nice friend… think I might consider taking you as my girlfriend la. Want?”
I am a totally shock when I read this message, then I though back what he sms me last night, he seems like have some kind of showing since yesterday.
I didn’t reply him directly, then trying to change the topic. But after a few chat he was back to his main question.
“ anyway, its getting late now. Only lovers texting in middle of night. Are you my girlfriend or what?
He is way too straight forward! I have no choice, then I reply him like sort of kidding.
“ are you serious?? I am your girl’s friend. Haha! Of course we are still good friend.”
“of course I am serious, in a kidding way.”
I am totally in blurr, since when we have chemistry to each other? Am I so slow as in this feelingsss??
I only can say that, he had the feeling with the wrong people in wrong timing.
Each Friday I have assessment, and the result will be posted in a few minutes time. I was so worry that I will fail as they says there are 12 people fail, but luckily I passed. But I am not satiscfied with my result. I think I can do better then this. But I am lacking of motivation.
Today I say F in college, and he stopped by and talk with me. I am quite shy I think. I feel as I keeping a distance from him. as if I can’t talk with him so openly like last time.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
i am here typing this while half the world of people are still sleeping soundly.
it's just 5 am in the morning and i am awake, sitting in college auditorium.
just can't believe that my college orientation want us to stay overnight in college for one night.
we slept at 1am and wake up at 4.30am.
this craziness will never happened in other college or university.
should i feel proud of it???
just because they want to pray in college and we have to suffer in here.
stop all the complainings and learn appreciate...
it's finishing anyway my orientation... hehe... this should be the happy part.
and my class start on monday...
my college life is starting now!!!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
i am excited but in the same time i feel the other way...
maybe i had my holidays for too long...
imagine holidays for 8 months!!!
i am relaxing and having my own sweet times and never touch any books...
and now i have to go back to study and busy life...
hopefully i can cope with it...
i will sure for meeting new people, having new friends and housemate.
medicine will be very hard and need a lot of hard work...
i think i can handle it. i have to know how to handle it...
gosh... first year in college feel like scary... hahaha...
wish me luck! i will be very great!