alone

i think i have loss a lot of friends... even though i don't have many friends. but seem like it getting lesser.
feel left out. feel like i never been in their life.
the friends that i have now can count finish within fingers in both hands.
even don't know who to turn to when i have problems or things to express. as in nobody understand.
life is like so hard. everyone's struggling. when only i can find a friend that always have me inside their heart?
i am so stress with my exam in 1 week time yet who to turn to? no one understand. everyone have their own life.
maybe i am too dependent after having people surround around me.
no true friend in college life. old friends is like being stronger within their own group and i am the left out/ leftover. no point of me being there. is like no different if i am there or not.
always plan things without me. if i am in or not never mind. but if one of them is not in then the plan will not work.
sigh... life?

we come alone in this world, go alone from this world. seem like that also including being alone in this world...

motivated

have such a surprise from Dr Siti when she look up to me and say: Melissa, you have mature a lot since year 1!
i was like: what??
she says she sees me mature a lot since last time.
i am really pleased Dr Siti says that to me. Really made my day. Never will have people really see through me and today, she did it.

so... i will work really hard for the exam in next 2 weeks!!!

motivation just kicks in!

GP attachment

Last week has been a great week for me. I was required to find a GP to attach at his clinic. At first I was thinking about my dad, the lecturer agrees but last minute she says I can't attach with my father because it is unprofessional.

I have to really think her for not letting me attach with my dad, if not I will not be able to know such a great teacher. I attached with Dr Wong, which is also my father's friend. My dad gave me 2 names of the doctors and ask me to choose myself. I have no idea why I choose Dr Wong. Barely fate I guess.

On Monday I went to his clinic quite early, but he just came in at around 10 am. However, he really taught me a lot. He also use Murtagh with is also our reference for this Family Medicine posting. I was quite surprise actually. Everyday I will have homework to do, things I need to read up. Of course, from the cases I saw from his clinic and some basic things. Luckily I am quite hardworking that particular week. If not I will embarrassed myself if I can't answer some simple question that he asked.

I think we both get into each other very well. Its more like a father daughter thing. He is a great mentor and teacher and I do admire him. There are thought that people my age or people around me will not have. I have learn a lot during the attachment as well. How he approach his patients and how he did patient education. How the patients tell him their personal problems and how he is able to dig up stuff that people want to hide. It has been so fun and interesting.

He actually inspired me and I don't feel hard to study during the attachment, like I am not forced to study. Other than study, we also discussed a lot of other things like politics, religion and family.

He does not have any children of himself but he adopted 5 children, regardless of race or religion. His 2 youngest son is Indian yet he love them so much like his own son. He is a devoted Christian and he respect people believes as well. Every religion teach people good things. I always remember him saying 'one man women and one women men'. Meaning he is the man who only have 1 women which is his own wife.

He has less patient nowadays because he is into politics and he told me how he got involved with it. We have the same point of view about the politics. I believe he will be a good leader.

Thank you very much Dr Wong!

A medical doctor.

An activist for the poor and oppressed.

A patriot fighting to save the country from going bankrupt.

A father adopting many children.

A man who unlocks God from church.

A man who walks with God.

When one sees his imperfection, one sees God's perfection.

adopted from my father- Stanley Ting

timing.alone

i might be too sensitive over little matter but i really hope my good friends don't treat me that way.
my world is really small enough to have just a few permanent friends around and i really afraid and worry of losing anyone anymore. yet not everyone understand me.
i understand that due to my study and work, i might not have time to spent with them, thus making me reject and decline in some of their invitation in their life. seem like few times later, they don't even bother to invite me anymore.
its kinda of disappointed when feel left out. so close yet so far. when i suggested some activities, they will give sort of reasons. then later i'll find out they are doing the activities i suggested before.
timing problem? so when i suggested its not the right time. but later, its the right time for them but not for me.
so... when is the right timing?

i predicted that in the end i will be all alone, again. ya... so get prepare now.

GP posting

i am currently in GP posting in Melaka during the week of 2 public holiday. thank goodness I am able to do it at my hometown. well, it wasn't easy at all. so much of up and down 1 week before this. i wish i don't need to mention but i want to.

bitch A is trying to please a professional and then keep changing her face between me and Pro. so end up the professional acting not so professional and start the blaming game even before finding out the truth. finally she realize its just an misunderstanding yet my name and reputation is affected. what a bitch and a unprofessional professional.


I started my GP posting today at Dr Wong's clinic, one of my dad's friend. i wanted to do the attachment with my dad but they say its unprofessional to do with your own family member. week 1 they say its better to do with family, week 2 they say its unprofessional. well, no comment.

I find it really interesting to attach with Dr Wong. He is quite up to date and he also use the same book we are using in family medicine. I can see his office is paste up with PROMPT and also he use SNAP in patient education. I was very surprise to see that because I always think that GPs will have their own way of doing their things. But Dr Wong is following the current trend and recommendation, which help me learn a lot from him.

This is only the first day and my brain is already full of things. Wanted to study yet so lazy. I just study some of it. I wish I am more hardworking but I am not. I am just who I am.


Bitch will always be bitch. my friend ask why don't i confront her. if she was me she will already slap onto her face. well, i don't even went to pollute my hand with her face. just like what i wrote in my fb status. what an asshole face fullstop!

My Burger Lab

I went to fetch my sister back Melaka home from her hostel in Mahsa yesterday, since it was quite late after her class, so I asked if she wants to have dinner before we headed back to Melaka.

She suggested My Burger Lab and keep praising about the burger there. She says she wanted to try but went there twice, as early as 7pm and the burger already sold out. I think that was over rated. The business started at 5pm and sold out at 7pm? I thought it was a roadside stall but my sister say no! It is a shop!

So we reach there before 6pm and there were such a huge crowd. There are a group a guys STANDING outside the shop and eat the burger. A long queue at the counter as we go into the shop. There are totally no place for us to sit! It was a mess actually.





We joined the queue and ordered 'Say Cheese' for beef and chicken, add-on drink and fries. The shop go by number system. it was about 25 during that time and our order is 55!!! I was like: how long did I need to wait?

Luckily we found a place to sit, I really don't wanna stand-eating. Talk a lot with my sis. Guess how long we waited? ONE HOUR!!!







Well, 1 hour is totally worth as the burger is awesome! No wonder people rather eat the burger standing than sitting. But I really feel stressful with that little shop crowded with lots of people and people eating while standing and also people keep staring and waiting you to get up from your sit.





I prefer beef than chicken. Beef is more juicy. I forgot to ask them to recommend us which burger to eat. Only then I found out A+ burger is the main choice of all. I might had a try next time but for me, I will not purposely drive there to eat the burger and have to wait up to 1 hour. I will go and eat again with my sis when I fetch her back or I pass by that place.





You can have a try too! As it was rate better than a lot other burger.Oh, you also can get free flow of soft drinks while waiting! HAHA! You can click their facebook link which I already attach up there.


p/s: the burger bun is in BLACK colour! I tasted it separately with the ingredients and I actually like it very much. It taste more like bread.

what is life?

I went to Maybank ATM this evening as I have to bank in money for my house rental in Seri Kembangan. A little indian boy was standing outside the door, I guess he is just around 7-8 years old. He was blocking the entrance door so I smile at him and say 'excuse me, I want to go in'. He mumble something but I wasn't paying attention to him as I was rushing.

While I was transferring the money, I can see from side eyes he is opening the door and holding few packets of snack on his hand. I guess he is trying to ask people to buy it. There is a big plastic bag beside him. It was quite big and it's in black and white square design and it is not transparent. Yet I guess inside it surely will be the snack he holding in his hand.

I really feel sad for him. How old is he? As what I guess from his height, he might be 7-8 years old as I mention earlier. I don't know if he is still studying or drop out from school. I don't know how is his family situation. I don't know how his life be.

After I done with my money transfer, I look into my wallet to see if there is any small change. If there is, I might bought the snack from him. There are RM 2 in my wallet. So as I walk out, he still mumbling but it was too soft, I totally cannot heard what he says but I am guessing he is saying 'tolong beli satu' (please buy 1), or something like that.

I ask him how much. He says RM 2. So I say give me 1 of it. He says something but it was too soft so I still can't heard what he says. But as I guess again, I think he is saying please buy more. So I say '1 is enough, thank you.' I heard he replied 'thank you' to me after I walked away.


How will you feel if you are the boy? I having this thought keep repeating in my mind. Will you willing to stand on the street, asking people to buy things from you? What is your feeling if you were him?

I really can't bear thinking about it. How pity was that? I shouldn't pity him because he did not robbed, he did not commit crime, he is just doing whatever he can for living. I should respect him. But yet, does he deserve all this? Is this the life he suppose to have? When other children of his age is playing happily at the playground, spending their parents money on junk food and fast food, learning musical instrumental like piano or guitar, going for tuition etc etc and the list go on and on.  Yet, this little boy has to stand at the corridor selling snack maybe made by his mother.

How can a person life have such a huge different? I wanted to help yet that's my limit. Why there isn't any help from him? Let him study peacefully without have to worry about life. Without have him to stand at the corridor to sell snacks. I think he is mumbling and don't speak loudly because of low self-esteem. If it will be me who standing there selling snacks, I don't think I am able to look straight up to people.

So sad. So so sad. Yet, I just help him within my limits. I wish I already start working, maybe I will buy whole bag of his snacks. Maybe give some help to him. Maybe let him guide me to his house, looking their condition and find some welfare for them. I am blaming myself for not being great enough to help him...

So where is God at this time? Did god just 'give birth' to his people and do not care about life or death of them? Don't tell me this is his life. He is just a child and knows nothing! Yet he is suffering. God doesn't exist. If there is god, life wouldn't be so suffering. Life will be fair, fair among every people. No rich or poor, no pretty or ugly, no clever or stupid...

What is life? Did the boy ever feel unfairness? Did he ever asked why this is his life? Did he ever ask why he need to sell snacks on the street? Did he ever ask why people are so rich going in and out of the bank and he doesn't even have a bank account? I wish I were him, knowing what's his thought and feeling.

I wish he don't turn out to be bad guy or a criminal.
I wish his life get better day by day.
I wish he had education.
I wish his parents are good and not abusive.
I wish... I wish... I wish this is not the life he should go through......

RM 2 for such a little packet was quite expensive. But I did not think so much at that time. I really wish I have more power to help him......

my birthday celebration

celebrated my birthday briefly with my close friends and family. really appreciate to everyone that take some time to wish me. Special thanks to peyyein and christine k. to wish me via sms. now everyone using fb. last time was letter, then birthday card, then email, later sms, now is fb.


as i grow older, i don't have the urge to celebrate birthday anymore. its just like another day. nothing really special. so, next time when the kids are still young, fulfill whatever their wish on how to celebrate birthday.


thanks to jeslyn and jl to give me birthday surprise. my birthday was on friday and i was in KL, only travel back on the evening. jeslyn and jl suddenly show up around 9pm, where i never thought they would be. birthday surprise suppose to be at the midnight, the moment before your birthday and the moment before your birthday end. they really surprise me! you can see i am still wearing home cloth.









thanks jeslyn for the present! i really love it. first, it is a handmade card. it was very special and we both saw it at jonker before this and we really love the creativity. she also gave me Lancome blush!!









my family and i had my birthday dinner at Fat Lee, a restaurant in Melaka. I am craving for the cili padi cream crab. a little disappointed as the place had renovation and i think they had a new management. now its more like entertainment place rather than restaurant. there were singer singing on stage and i don't really like it. yet, the crab is still awesome!!











lastly, had my dinner on another day with Likthing. she specially booked the dinner with me. we were at KL so we meet at Lot 10. Glad to have dinner with her, cause we basically just forget everything when we meet. she was sick during that time but she feel better after meeting me. i was very busy in the ward for my new posting yet i forget all the tiredness after meeting her.









simple. yet full with love.

24岁生日

生日快乐！我对自己说。

24岁了！好像没什么感觉。
一年比一年过得快，不知不觉24岁了。

还记得自己以前到现在每一年的生日。现在竟然24岁了！
小时候常常想20多岁的人的思想到底是怎样啊？
原来还不过设这样，还是原来的我。

24年前的这一天是我妈妈的受难日，谢谢我妈带我到这个世界体验人生的酸甜苦辣。

突然觉得生日没什么好庆祝的。
要什么自己买，礼物也不太期待了。
别人唱生日歌时，好像有点尴尬。
不再期待别人为自己制造什么惊喜。
吃顿饭，拍张照，简简单单的生日就这样过了。
一年又一年地过了。

我要快点毕业、快点赚钱、快点扛起这个家，让我爸妈不在辛苦担忧，可以环游世界！
长大了，愿望不再那么单纯，不再是为了自己了。

after raya holiday

23/8/12

Went to babysitter house to visit my babysitter, had fun with this little monster, which is my babysitter's grandson.

25/8/12

 Candy stackable friendship bracelet. All DIY!

Except for the Casio watch. Freaking loving it!! So vintage and easy to match with everything.

Outing with Likthing.

Had dinner at Senju Tei Japanese Restaurant in Melaka.

Great environment, great food, great service!

 

27/8/12

Start of orthopedic posting. Home cook for whole week!

porridge

spaghetti. my favorite! 

beef with rice. my first try. turn out to be good.

learn how to stitch during CST class. of course, stitch on a fake one instead. practice make perfect

cut. bleed. stitch.

31/8/12

Happy Merdeka Day aka independent day!

had a great vietnamese coffee at home.

1/9/12

the time where you can see fb status full with 'wake me up when september ends' status, including me!!!

a gift from Jeslyn from HK disneyland!! ♥ ♥ ♥

I choose in dark so I didn't know that it was in blue and there is a letter M means Mickey and Melissa as well! It become a surprise when I found it out.

first try of blackball. kinda like snowflake but still it's melaka standard.

steamboat with Jeslyn and Jialing

想问天你在哪里...

妈妈刚打电话给我，说刚从葬礼回来。晴朗的天莫名下起雨来。
有点遗憾没有送终，听说不多人。

妈妈说，她以我弟弟为荣！因为他带领他学校的乐队到丧礼演奏，好让葬礼热闹些。
还说，弟弟好像演奏一半时哽咽。弟弟对表弟说，不知道他可不可以吹完一首曲。

到现在我在说有关uncle时，也会哽咽。

雨好大。
想问天你在哪里...

let me be stronger and able to face death

i am unable to attend uncle's funeral tomorrow and kept thinking about it! i am afraid i might regret one day, not seeing him for the one last time. i am so confuse now.

i suppose can go back today after my class canceled, yet i have to fetch my sister tomorrow where she will be back from Krabi and her flight will reach at 4pm. uncle's funeral at 2pm.

i was torn apart from go for the funeral or fetch my sister back. cause its raya soon and there will surely no bus ticket to go back malacca. before this my sister say since she can't attend the funeral, might as well i go. but mom says surely no bus ticket for my sister to go back malacca.

its easier to blame others. i really feel very bad for not going the funeral. mom says its ok. we still can go aunty house when we back malacca. mom had bought flower for us to give to him. my brother band also going to perform tomorrow during the funeral.

i still feel guilty. i really have no idea to overcome it! please... let me be stronger and able to face death. i can't even be sincere with what i do this week. i am emotionally, mentally and physically affected.

may uncle rest in peace. i really miss him.

life is too short to be waste

i just see our photo last week, sorting out which photo i should develop since i have bought the voucher to develop 500 photos. i was very happy and fortunate that we took the photo together. it was such an happy event! all of us smile so happily.

i get to know about the bad news on sunday morning, told by my mom. i started to prepare myself for the worst news. today after class, i saw my cousin status saying he has passed away. It was 11am. so i confirm with my cousin after that.

i phone my babysitter to check on her. she sound fine and ask me to go for the funeral if i can. i say some words to comfort her and at the same time, i am trying very hard to prevent myself for crying. she understand me and stop me from saying more, she just ask me to go for the funeral if i am able to.

its such a pain to let go someone that we know and we will never know if we will ever meet again.
maybe its a release for him, release from all the suffer in this world. i never know that the photo we took that day will be the last one.

i will not have regret as i treat him just like my father,  i didn't speak any harsh word to him and i respect him, i'll talk and visit him when i have time. the only thing i regret is that i should pay them a visit during my last holiday. i wanted to but i didn't.

i remember during my primary school time, he will always bring food for me after school, by bicycle, as we have tuition after that. he never complaint.

may him rest in peace.
we shall always remember the good of him and the happy moment we had.

life is hard

i'm telling myself, i have to appreciate everything in my life, every people, every minute, every second.
life is freaking short... in just a blink of eye, something may disappear, anything may disappear.

woke up this morning by a bad news. why this life have to be so hard?
at this point of age, a lot people start to leave us, especially the person we love, the person which is close to us, people around us. even though we are not that close, yet i still can feel that pain.

if there is god, why he wants to give life, then take it away?
why not just be like that, then nothing ever will happened.
there will be no meeting, knowing then separation...

death is scary. but did we scare because of heaven or hell?
or we are scared of separation?


人之因为害怕死亡，是因为害怕天堂与地狱的存在，还是害怕离别？

blue!

Finally I have develop my first ever roll from Praktica PLC 2 SLR. I am quite surprise with my skill but I need to brush up more on how to focus manually!! so happy with it!

Missing the blue blue blue blue blue!!!
The blue sky, blue sea, blue swimsuit! BLUE!!!